The Slytherin Gem

Untitled Part 85

Jade had gotten inside the house shortly after Harry did. Her hair was wet so she went straight to the bathroom to dry herself and change into fresh clothes. As she stood in front of the mirror while brushing her hair, she looked at her reflection and she couldn't help but remember the fear in her aunt's eyes and voice and that made her think about how similar she was to Bellatrix even when they weren't related by blood.

And she didn't mean only physically... Narcissa had pointed out similarities before, even when her sister was still locked up. Jade couldn't agree or disagree as she hadn't met Bellatrix then but she knew her aunt was insane so she didn't like when Narcissa or even her own mother compared her to Auntie Bella. And after her fourth year at Hogwarts she found the comparison an insult but wouldn't express it outloud.

After she finally met Bellatrix, Jade could see the similarities but wouldn't accept them. She even would subconsciously stop doing certain habits, like touching her fingertips with her thumb in awkward situations, because she had seen Bellatrix doing them. But as she stood in front of that mirror she couldn't keep denying them and she hated it.

Jade wasn't mad as Bellatrix but when she was younger she could be ruthless if she wanted to and she was skillful like her. There was almost no match for her, talking about people around her age, of course.

Bellatrix sometimes laughed when there was danger as if it was just a game... she never seemed to be scared. Even when Harry crucioed her at the Ministry, she didn't show anger, or fear or pain or anything and Jade was like that. Or used to be like that.

It was a scary thought, to be so alike in personality to someone who was crazy and didn't care about life. She killed without regrets and tortured without flinching. Jade wasn't like that but yet, she was a lot alike to her.

Jade didn't know much about Draco's grandparents, the Blacks. But she assumed they raised their daughters in a similar way to how she had been raised. Jade could remember how she practically was numb for years, she wouldn't feel a thing because all she felt was pain and sadness and disappointment and rejection, so it was better to not feel anything at all, including the good feelings.

Could that have been the case for Bellatrix? She shut off her feelings until she didn't feel at all? And was so hungry for the approval of someone so evil because she never got it at home? She became Voldemort's favourite and she was so proud of it because for once she was a number one?

If Jade had kept her feelings bottled in and just dismissed her wants and aspirations, could she have ended up like Bellatrix? Only caring about success and being the best, being the most powerful, being the one that no one could hurt. The one that laughed at danger and little by little losing the little sanity that was left.

As she thought of all of that, and even about how cold Rodolphus and Bellatrix were to each other, like a business partnership not a marriage, something she wouldn't have wanted to have with Cass, Jade stopped feeling anger and repulsion towards her aunt and started to feel sad for her.
Yes, she had made decisions and killed people and that wasn't okay and that wasn't the bit that made Jade sad but what pushed her towards that. She probably lost herself since she was too young and as the eldest, all the pressure was on her. Jade could have lost herself and she was actually close to it but she was so grateful that her blindfold was taken off and she saw the world differently, and most importantly, she started to feel again.

Jade would rather be out in the battlefield, fighting for a good cause, for her friends, for her family, for goodness, and die out there, even before turning twenty than living a miserable life, being a slave to an evil man and live a life in black and white, without a single feeling, without joy or happiness, or feeling loved. The only feeling she would get was hunger for acceptance and wanting to make people proud of her, and by not getting it she would only get way more and more frustrated and numb.