On the Fence

Chapter 45

"Time of death 21:14," the paramedic's voice said, bringing my world crashing down around me, utter agony ripping through my soul. I was shaking, thrashing around as I tried to free myself to go to him, Zeke's iron grip holding me while I screamed Aiden's name over and over. I lost sight of his body when Zeke moved us, and I couldn't see around the large rider in the chute, a helmet like a cage blocking my view beyond. The ambulance backing up took the wind out of my sails, and I collapsed without warning, Zeke's arms around me, holding me.

Pain, such intense, horrendous pain, filled my being as I collapsed into a wailing heap in Zeke's arms, tears running in streams down my face. I wanted to die just to relieve the pain, the crushing weight on my chest preventing me from pulling in a breath. My head fell back on another sob that came screaming out of me at the sky, my head hitting Zeke's chest as he held me up.

"Aiden," I sobbed, reaching toward the arena, not caring that Zeke was pulling me farther down the walkway, away from it. Nothing mattered in the world at that moment; nothing but the lifeless body covered in a sheet that was being loaded into the back of the ambulance. Sobs racked my body, grief pouring down on me, drowning me in a tidal wave of pain.

"No, Taylor," Zeke said, still holding me from running towards the arena. "You can't!"

"Let me go!" I screamed at Zeke, turning to scream out a sob, "Aiden!" Still, Zeke held on to me, so I turned his arms, turning my anger on him, thrashing as he held onto my wrists, restraining me and preventing me from hitting him.

"No, Taylor, don't go look at that! You don't need to see," Zeke shouted. I thrashed and tried to pull from him, sobbing. My world closed in around me, and my mind focused on trying to free myself, so I could reach what was left of the man I loved, to try to pull the pieces of my shattered heart back together; to cover the throbbing hole in my chest that made me want to lay down and die. I had felt this pain before. I had lost like this before, and I knew I wouldn't be able to survive this loss, not of the man who had healed the last hole.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was conscious of my body still wailing and fighting Zeke's iron grip, not caring that I was making a scene, that I was revealing everything to all. There could be no doubt now how I felt about Aiden, but what did it matter now that he was dead? Everything was lost to me, the pain and ache of grief and loss pulling what was left of my heart into its dark waters. I wasn't going to recover from this. Not this time.

"Let her go!" A deep, commanding voice shouted from the chutes that stopped me in my tracks. "Taylor!" I looked behind me to see the large rider jump down off the cattle fencing while unbuckling the helmet he wore. He started running toward us, pulling the helmet off and tossing it to the side.

I couldn't hold back the gasping sob at the sight of the man I loved running toward me, full of life. I turned to Zeke, who had gone still, and with one forceful jerk, ripped myself free from his grasp to turn and run as fast as I could to Aiden.

"Aiden!" I screamed, sobbing as I ran. He ran, meeting me in the middle, surrounding me with his arms, one on my back and the other on my face and neck, pulling me to him as he captured my mouth with his in a desperate kiss, salted with my tears and sobs.

"Shhhh, Taylor, it's ok. I'm ok," his deep, reassuring tone soothed the frantic racing of my heart as he tucked me up to his chest, under his chin, while I sobbed, holding me tight. I clung to the safety vest he wore for the ride with both of my hands, terrified that he was going to disappear on me, that it was my fractured mind conjuring him up in my all-consuming grief.

I was barely aware of the chaos and pandaemonium surrounding us as I clung to Aiden, shaking and sobbing, while he held me, speaking in a quiet low tone in my ear, reassuring me. Everything faded but him. His arms, his voice, his familiar smell, his reassuring presence. I felt him lay his face gently on top of my head, snuggling me, before sitting up to stroke my hair back away from my face. At last, my sobs faded, my tears stopped, and I was left still shaking with hitched breathing from the aftermath of crying so hard.