𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊

|21| I'm so hopeless

This morning I woke up late. What a great way to start my day.

It wasn't because of a nightmare, Levi's words were replaying in loops, and I thought of everything, the past but also the future. I have tested lots of scenarios in my head, but none of them suit me. Of course, I can't predict his reactions anyway.

Today I'm determined to take a step forward. I'm going to apologize for my behavior, that's what Levi would like. And then, maybe it's a way to relieve me of something, this constant hatred directed towards him is surely not a good thing for me, and surely not for him.

Even if I don't forget everything that has happened between us before, I must admit that he hasn't been bad to me since my arrival. On the contrary, I was a real bitch. Plus, it's not like we're going to become friends, it's just simply to ease the permanent tensions.

But what do I really want?

We are currently on our way to high school. My brothers tried to question me about the fact that I looked weird and tired. I told them that I had been on my phone for too long telling my life to Emma ​​and that they don't need to be worried. I know they didn't believe me, but they gave up after a while.

The only sound that resides in the car is the music, and I'm afraid that they can hear my thoughts that are so loud. Jason notices my nervousness because I'm probably rubbing my hands way too much. He gives me a questioning look, but I shrug and act as if everything was ok.

We finally arrive at school and my anxiety doubled. I didn't even know it was possible. I don't understand why I stress so much, it's not something important, and it will certainly not change the rest of my life.

But you hope so.

Shut up stupid conscience.

We split up and Jason and I go to our lockers together. To my greatest despair, the cause of my stress is waiting for my brother at our lockers. I must admit that he is really attractive today with his look like a student model, I'm melting.

Hey, now is not the time to fangirl, you're supposed to dislike him.

Our eyes meet, and at this precise moment, I know exactly what I have to do.

Run away and never come back.

That's what I did, well I didn't really run, I just walked quickly in a really unattractive and suspicious way. I'm sure it caught the attention of more than one person, and the curiosity of my brother and also his.

Besides, I think people still haven't recovered from the fact that I miraculously managed to make Levi laugh yesterday. So right now, I'm still getting a lot more attention than I would like, and it's not going as planned for my plans.

I opt for a quiet moment, where there won't be many people. A place where I would feel less oppressed, and maybe thanks to that everything will go well. Also, I don't see what could go wrong, I'm just going to apologize, what could go wrong with that?

****

I head to the cafeteria to join Camila and Peter. I still haven't found that perfect moment, and it's starting to weigh on my mind. Maybe today is not the right day. Except I felt Levi's looks burning a hole in my head all morning already. I know I have to stop thinking too much, it doesn't do me any good.

When I arrive at the cafeteria, my gaze automatically searches for my two friends. Praying internally that they are not eating at the same table as him. Thanks to my great luck, they are exactly at the same table.