D is for Diet

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Let me make this perfectly clear, if you are a size 4 or higher, you are worthless scum sucking pigs in society's eyes. You need to lose weight if you are ever going to amount to anything. There are fad diets that can help you lose a pound here or there, but the most effective way to lose weight is to stop eating. Just stop. You'd be surprised how much weight you can lose if you don't eat. Remaining hydrated is always essential so water is the only thing allowed. If you really need to eat something, you may only eat tic tacs and celery. Celery is negative calories, so it will help you lose weight quickly.

Another way to lose weight fast is to develop an eating disorder. They're all the rage these days. If you begin seeing your ribs clearly, you're doing it correctly. You'll be a size 0 in no time. And society will now love you. Because society only likes thin pretty people that are essentially skin, bones, and fake tan. And eating disorders are psychological too! No more having to worry about being tempted by chocolate cake. Your mind will stop you before your body has to. This really helps those who eat their feelings. You know, the people who eat an entire container of chocolate ice cream while watching The Notebook. An eating disorder will help you stop doing something that pathetic. And if it doesn’t work, illegal drugs help curb cravings. Plus, it gives you fantastic sensations! You're life can be so much better if you achieve a size 0. And you must achieve this size no matter what.

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