Voiceless Love

45. Oh my god

1/12/20~

Hey its been a while and i___its been kinda crazy._________________________
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After my last entry in july__its pretty bland__i didnt do much in the summer i only went to my lessons and my therapy appointments. Those are going good i guess___my dad wanted me to try to go back to the school, well it was summer school. My dad thought i needed to stay focused and occupied after everything thats happened to avoid certain things and that was a mistake because i was made fun of._________________________________
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When it was in august of course i wore shorts and i tshirt cuz its hot and people started making fun of me saying like where's your marks and it was pretty fucked up. I didnt know what to say really i just kinda took em._________
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In september, nothing really happened i just did my lessons which im getting___
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good enough at id say. But idk, at school my old friends they wont talk to me for some reason and dont know whats going maybe because they wont they dont wanna,___i heard,__ well i didnt hear but i saw them__i saw their mouths moving and one of them said that they dont want to learn because its too hard and its too painfull for them so idk what that means. I do but i dont yk_? anyway, we dont hang out anymore my friends and i._____________
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I met this new group and they let me smoke some of their stuff. They had a lot of weed and i felt better after a while and they invited me to some parties. And that started happening at the beginning of october and i was high as fuck at this one party and i just sat around drank a little, smoked a lot, i think we had this hot box going, i dont remember much about it but it was pretty cool.___________________________
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My dad___i didnt really talk to him much about what was going on at school, he thought i still had my friends and truth is i was getting fucked up at school on campus and i didnt____i i dont know i didnt care. I didnt care at all. I just need an escape and weed takes me there and its great, in fact im kinda high right now. Its great.________
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And after my mom left dude, im fucking glad she left cuz honestly life would be so much worse if she was still here. To find out my weed stash. Its pretty bad. I gotta relocate it. Its__a lot.____________
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Im getting in habits that i dont___listen, i know that theyre bad but dont really wanna change. My new friends, they dont understand me i just have to nod and shake my head a lot. We dont ever talk, we just smoke and hang out and just vibe. I just like to be around people and not be____________________________
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alone. I dont want to be alone right now. Cuz when im alone its just, i get all these thoughts and i dont like them and then i smoke and go to these parties and they help me forget about him and all the fucked up things that happened.___________________________
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Man, those sleeping pills i forgot to take them sometimes and i would have the nightmares again and i would wake up and them smoke cuz it would help a lot.___________________________________
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Idk whats going on with me.___________
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Thanksgiving was, i didnt spend it with my dad, i ditched my dad to go smoke with my friends and go to this one rave down town where everyone was half naked but it was fine. Oh and my style rn is prett dope. Im getting into a lot of black leather.________________________
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But yeah. I need more weed, im running low.___________________________________
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4/6/20~

Sophomore year was so fucked up. I barely remember this year. Im pretty sure im failing all my classes but i dont give a fuck rn. I really dont care. I just need more weed.______________________
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I___got drunk last weekend and it was crazy. Last weekend being the 30th of march i think anyway, it was so great. I dont think i fucked anybody. I hope i didnt cuz i dont really want it to be like that.___________________________________
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