His Plastic Doll

Epilogue

A month had passed before I finally got to see my other friends again. Si Ryle ang nakaisip na sulatan ko muna sila isa-isa, at hindi raw dapat simpleng sulat, kundi dapat ay may halong personal touch, iyong dapat daw ay maririnig nila ang boses ko kapag nabasa nila. I did that. And it took me a week just to finish writing three letters, and at the end of every letter, I had invited them to come to my restaurant to talk and maybe eat some of my foods for free. I meant for them to visit me one by one and to my surprise, I saw them right away at my restaurant too soon.

Kasinghalintulad nito iyong kaba ko noong si Ryle ang unang bumisita sa akin matapos ng matagal na panahon. It was hard for me to move or even react. And the fact that there's three of them—four, dahil biglang lumitaw si Ryle ilang minuto pagkatapos—halos maging triple na ang bigat ng dibdib ko.

Sinabihan ko iyong mga kasamahan ko sa kusina na may mga bisita ako at inutusan silang mag-takeover sa pwesto ko. Nagtanggal ako ng apron pati na rin ng hair net at manginig-nginig na lumapit sa kanilang mesa. Nang makarating na ako sa kanila, kahit pa alam kong naharangan na sila ng anino ko, parang ayaw nilang kumibo. Si Ryle na lang itong pumansin sa akin. In-extend niya ang kanyang kamay papaimbita na umupo ako sa kanyang tabi. Nag-hi ako sa kanila, pero ang tatlo'y pawang ayaw pa rin akong tingnan nang direkta.

Sinilip ko si Ryle nang halos papasuko na ako dahil kahit anong pagsalita ko sa kanila'y hindi sila kumikibo. Nag-sorry na ako nang paulit-ulit at wala pa rin. Nakahalukipkip lang sila, na siyang lubos kong ipinagtataka. Kung hindi pa pala nila ako gustong makausap, bakit bigla-bigla nila akong dinalaw dito sa restaurant?

Hanggang sa parang nakaramdam na ako na may kalokohan lang siguro silang ginagawa nang bahagya kong narinig ang katiting na nakatakas na tawa galing kay Ella, na siyang sinegundahan ni Ryle. Sina Inesa at Chris ay nagkatinginan at ilang saglit ay nakigaya na rin sila sa pagtawa, habang ako naman ay tulala pa rin sa pagtataka kung ano ba talagang nangyayari?

"Naku, Conan, sorry. Si Ella kasi!" sabi ni Chris na may pagturo pa rito. "Siya itong nakaisip na huwag ka raw muna naming pansinin kapag andyan ka na."

"Hala! Mga siraulong ito?" depensa naman ni Ella. Tinulak-tulak nito si Chris. "Huwag kang maniwala rito, Conan. Naghahanap lang ito ng masisisi." Kahit pa sa loob-loob ko'y alam ko naman talaga kung sino sa kanila ang nagsasabi ng totoo.

It was still hard for me to react despite the relief I felt from their laughter. Inesa too was laughing with them and it's obvious that the hurt expression I saw from her earlier was just an act. Sinilip ko si Ryle at tumango siya sa akin sa paraan na parang sinasabi niyang okay lang ito, na wala akong dapat ikabahala, pero kahit na, sinamantala ko pa rin ang pagkakataon na pormal na makahingi ng tawad sa kanila mula sa biglaan kong pagputol ng koneksyon ko sa kanila, at lalong-lalo na rin kay Inesa, mula sa pagiging kami ni Ryle. I wasn't sure if they had already known but I still told them about us, and that I was sorry for all the mess that had happened.

"It's alright, Conan, really," Inesa said. "We're all still friends."

And even though the words were just simple, even though there might be a possibility that she was just hiding her real emotions, still, her words were enough to allow myself to let go of all the burden I was carrying. In that moment, I was totally free. I allowed myself to finally let this sink inside my head. Ryle snaked his hand on my side and pulled me closer to a hug as if proud that I had resolved this problem.

"Saka huwag kang mag-alala riyan kay Inesa, girl! May boyfriend na iyan! Ano ka?" sabi ni Ella. At gaya ng nakaugalian, tsinismis sa amin ni Ella ang tungkol sa current boyfriend ni Inesa, na isa palang afam! Nagpatuloy pa ang kwento hanggang sa hindi na namin namalayan na halos nakaka-dalawang oras na pala kaming daldalan.

The last topic was then pointed at me and Ryle. They asked about what we were planning next as a couple, kung malapit na ba kaming magsama sa isang bahay? Kung may balak daw ba kaming magpakasal? At kung anu-ano pang mga bagay na related sa pagiging isang gay couple namin.

We hadn't really talked much about it, and so days after our mini reunion, we tried to sort our goals and decided to cross each one out slowly but surely. We made the public know that we are in a real relationship and made it known that we support every existing couples regardless of gender. We even let our close families know about us. And this of course meant that I had to go back to Tarlac and introduce Ryle to them as my boyfriend. It was a tense encounter, but I guess, even though all my father did was just nod silently and finally look me in the eye, we could still consider that as a success.

Ryle also made amends with my best friend, Zyion—even though it was obvious that at first he disapproves of it. In the end, he still did it because he knew that's what I wanted for them. At kahit si Zyion ay ganoon din. Ayaw din niya sana. Pero dahil nakita niya ang kagustuhan ko na magkabati na rin sila, sinubukan pa rin nila. At iyon na nga, matapos ng ilang bonding at daldalan, pansin kong medyo nagkakasundo na rin sila.

The next on our list was our dream house. It was one of the hardest things we wanted to achieve as a couple. We had lessened our dates. And if at times we wanted to have sex, hotels were no longer an option and we decided to do it mostly on each of the places we're currently staying at, just to stop ourselves from wasting money. And after three years of our efforts, Ryle and I were finally able to build our own big house. Sa Quezon City namin pinasyang magpatayo para malapit sa kanya-kanya naming mga trabaho. Sa Valenzuela kasi nakatayo ang Detective Ramen habang ang kompanyang pinagtatrabahuan ni Ryle ay sa Marikina. Dalawang palapag lang ang pinasya namin para sa bahay pero sinigurado naming maluwang ang espasyo at nang maipagmalaki namin sa mga lumang bersyon namin kung gaano kalaki na ang aming narating. Sobrang-sobra man para sa aming dalawa lang ang ganoong espasyo, pero hindi na problema pa iyon, parang sa loob-loob namin ay gusto naming maging simbolo ito ng pag-iibigan namin, na katulad nito ay patuloy pa rin iyong lumalawak hanggang ngayon.

Who would have thought that the guy who just ridiculously invited me to try and practice sex would be my greatest heartache and also my salvation? Every morning I would spend a few moments just looking at him snoring peacefully and I would wonder the same question over and over. We may not be the best couple, we surely had our ups and downs (most couples do) and I know there were still lots of times when we would fight over trivial things and reconcile and make love again, and even so, I could proudly say that we would still end up together, because I know we were meant to be together. From the time when he first rang my doorbell, I kinda knew it. And I was glad that at that moment, I let him come into my life.

I was so happy to finally accept that there's someone I could proudly call as mine.