His Plastic Doll

Chapter Eighteen

Kinabukasan ay dumating na rin ang College Week nilang pinakahihintay. Nila, oo, nila. Hindi kasi ako natuwa noong nalaman kong may attendance pa rin na kailangan. Akala ko kaunting silip lang sa mga booth at mga pa-games ng event host e pwede na agad lumayas dahil wala namang klase buong linggo, nagkakamali pala ako.

The school looked festive from all the string flags, banners, colorful balloons, and loud music. Color-coded pa kami according to year level. Naka-pulang T-shirt ako ngayon dahil red ang na-assign na kulay sa aming mga second year students. Kasama ko ang ilang mga kaklase ko. Nakatago ako sa likuran ng isang matangkad kong kaklase dahil ayokong mapiling alay sa mga pa-games na nagaganap doon ngayon sa gym. At hindi lang iyon. Gusto ko rin kasing taguan pansamantala si Ryle, dahil hanggang ngayon ay nagi-guilty pa rin ako mula sa hindi pagtugon sa nasabi niya.

I gave it a thought last night and realized that I might have done the right thing. After all, he was doing it for a girl. And if he ever changed his mind, that maybe he now had a thing for me, he would have clarified such thing, he would say it out right, he would have chosen the correct words, like, 'Ikaw na ang mahal ko, hindi si Inesa.' That way I would have given the assurance. Hindi iyong simpleng 'I love you' lang na parang lalo lang nakapagpagulo ng sitwasyon. Para sa akin, mas gusto kong marinig ang pangalan kong nakakabit sa mga salitang iyon. Pwede pa nga niya sana iyong dagdagan ng, 'Pwede bang maging tayo?' para mas malaman ko kung may intensyon ba siyang maging kami. Mahirap bang gawin iyon?

But that wasn't the only complication. If Ryle had said the things I wanted him to say, I still don't think I would have given any response. I know because I could imagine it happening. Not that I don't love him. I might have. I think. But there's something scary from having to say, 'I love you, too.' to a person. Like it was a promise. E sa tanang-buhay ko'y alam kong bawat pangako na lang ay napapako. Patunay na roon ang mga magulang ko dahil minsan na nilang sinabi sa akin na mamahalin nila ako bilang anak, pero hindi rin naman nila magawa-gawa. At kahit ako'y hindi exempted doon. May kung ano sa akin na parang alam kong hindi ko rin kayang makatupad ng isang pangako, at ayokong makapanakit, ayokong maging isang taong lubos kong kinaiinisan, ayokong masaktan si Ryle mula sa magulong estado ng aking buhay.

And whenever I could see him interacting with Inesa, I was given more proof that I have done the right thing, of not letting him fall for me. Some days passed by without any trace of him in front of my door, which might then be caused by his busy schedule and responsibilities of being a school org president. But when the College Week ended, a rumor was passed to me by Ella. She told me about this news with such excitement. "Alam mo ba? Nililigawan na raw ni Ryle si Inesa."

A voice inside my head was the first one to react, I knew it! And that voice kept on riling over and over for proving that he was right all along.

The hardest part for me was to fake my surprise and excitement on this news. I should have been happy because I knew this day would come, but I couldn't, I had no control over my emotions, and it kept on resurfacing no matter how hard I tried to drown it. "OMG! Congrats sa kanila! I'm so happy for them!" sabi ko ng buong kaplastikan.

Though Ella can be trusted with the quality of the rumors she often receives, hindi ko pa rin iyon pinaniwalaan nang buo. A rumor was still a rumor—unless Ryle or Inesa showed signs that they were already dating, or unless Ryle had told me through text or face-to-face.

Pero 'ayon na nga, ilang araw lang mula nang masagap ko iyon, nang tumambay ako sa library para mag-charge ng phone, nilapitan ako ni Inesa at nagsabing iniimbita niya akong pumunta sa kanila para sa isang dinner, na siyang bahagyang nakapagtataka dahil hindi naman niya ako madalas imbitahin sa ganito.

"Okay," I said, doubtful. "Bakit hindi mo sinabi kaninang lunch?"

"Nakalimutan ko lang, sorry." She tended to be fidgety when she's lying.