Deviant

twenty nine

~Unrequited love~

You blinked several times until Mingyu's words finally settled into your brain.

OH MY GOD

His real mother wants to see him.

I thought she was dead. It never crossed my mind that that woman was breathing somewhere. Even more, that she hoped to see him someday.

Internally you were freaking out.
Externally you were rotted to the ground, not moving an inch within the past few seconds.
Your lips parted in shock, arms hanging limp at each of your sides as you stared blankly at Mingyu. Then you moved slowly your head in Jungkook's direction.

He will fucking kill her.

I mean... I think I'll kill her first. He would not even have the chance to see her. Not alive at least.

You ran a tired hand through your silky hair.
"You have to tell me everything," You said in a whispered voice not wanting Jungkook to hear.

You had no idea how to feel about that. His mother. His only relative.
You felt a tug at your heart as your eyes searched his face. A knot formed at the back of your throat thinking of how much he suffered because she gave up on him. Everything started when she left him in front of that orphanage. That one decision pushed Jungkook in the wrong direction and hit a dead end. An abandoned child would always be at risk of welfare.

Your eyes saddened. Your heart began to pound in pain. You couldn't understand why a parent would abandon their own children.
The effects of an abandonment may be lifelong. It influences how a person feels about themselves and their sense of self-worth. Deep down inside your heart, you knew that Jungkook hated himself. And the principal reason was that he thought of himself as useless, after all, his own parents abandoned him.

They don't think about the future of their children and how much this can affect them?

Motives? I don't care about her motives.

Often the parent who abandons their child feel abandoned themselves, maybe no one is supporting them. They may receive little emotional support from their families or harsh judgment.
Maybe they are young and poor, so they want what's best for their child, choosing instead to give up on them.
Even so... It's not an excuse.

Parents play an irreplaceable role in the lives of their children.

They may not attach to a new family, they may have a lack of trust in others, fearing being left by another important person in their life. Keeping a distance, they'll not feel hurt again if they are rejected.
As in Jungkook's case, end up worse, hunted by pedophiles or victims of human trafficking.

And all because of those stupid people who give birth only to get rid of those innocent angels later.

"I need to see her and talk to her first." You dryly said, then glanced at Mingyu who was standing beside you without uttering a word. "She better keeps her distance or I'll make sure she will."
Your voice sounded detached and indifferent. It was ice cold as if you weren't affected at all. But it made Mingyu stiff. He knew better.

So many feelings assaulted you in one go. You were scared of his reaction. What if seeing her would cause more damage to his brain? All you wanted was to see him safe. You couldn't see him hurting. Not anymore. And you were ready to do anything it took to prevent that from happening.

Even though your face was calm, there was a storm within your eyes ready to rain hell upon any threat which may cross paths with you.

You knew better what he needed. He needed someone to love him for who he is and everything he brings with him - his vicious ways, his past, his fears - without restrictions or wanting something in return. And more importantly, someone who would never abandon him.

"Y/N..."

A few hours later, your eyes stopped on the girl you never wanted to see. Yet here she was, in facing you after four years.

"Naeun."

The tension was thick in the air, almost suffocating. Naeun nervously twiddled her fingers, her eyes cast down ashamed. She couldn't forget the way she acted in front of everyone, without any restraints when it came to Jungkook. She loved him, yes, but that didn't mean she had to act like a desperate slut. She was aware and ashamed of her weakness, especially now when she was standing in front of you.

Naeun was aware even back then, four years ago, that there was something between you and Jungkook. She didn't know all the details but, sometimes, she caught a glimpse of how Jungkook was looking at you when you weren't looking. He would never smile so warmly or stare at someone with so much sorrow and admiration. Only you could bring to the surface those emotions she didn't know he possessed.

She thought of the possibility of Jungkook being into you but she pushed that idea away as fast as it came. It was torture only thinking about it.
She just couldn't bring herself to let him go. Maybe she was stupid. Maybe she was naive. Maybe she was too much in love.

As she was now.

Those feelings were still there.
She missed him. She would think about him every day. Her heart would prickle with pain each time she watched the news, hoping that the police didn't catch him. She would have nightmares, she would worry. It couldn't be helped. He is her first love after all.

Her chest tightened, her eyes filled with tears only thinking that he was there, close. She wanted to see him. Only so her heart could feel at ease. But at the same time, she didn't want to see him. She was scared. Not because of him. She was scared of her reaction.

You watched Naeun quietly. Your eyes softened under her nervous stance. Again you couldn't bring yourself to hate this girl. You bit your lip as your eyes traveled down to her hands, seeing them visibly shaken. Studying her features, you noted the dark circles under her eyes.

"Mingyu told me that you have something to tell us." You got straight to the main issue, your voice neutral. You didn't want to reveal to her how much her presence disturbs you.
You had to admit that you felt your heart heavy. You were also anxious. What if Jungkook will wake up and see Naeun?

Naeun lifted her gaze to look at you, the awkwardness being replaced immediately with something entirely different. She seemed happy.
"Ah, I... I have something you need to see." Naeun started to say as she pulled something out of her pocket. Something that looked like a tape.

"I found this a couple of weeks ago and didn't know what to do with it. I immediately thought of Dr. Mingyu as he was the one who took care of Jungkook."

Naeun took a tentative step toward you wanting to deliver over the tape but stopped and soon you understood why... When from behind, a pair of arms wrapped gently around you.

Your heart ached at the sight of her pained expression.

"My noona, I searched for you everywhere. Why did you leave me?"
Jungkook pulled you in a tight embrace, nuzzling his face against your neck.

You automatically placed your hands above his and breathed a sigh of relief. Happy that he was alright.

"Jungkook..." Naeun whispered suddenly and Jungkook lifted up his gaze, his arms still around you the moment they locked gazes.
Naeun's heart skipped a beat as she was already losing herself in the depths of his black eyes.

Jungkook's eyes were cold and dispassionate as he stared back at her, yet her heart was beating at an alarming speed.

To her surprise, his mouth twisted into a wry smile, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

"Do I know you?"