Chapter 39

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I heard something downstairs and froze for a second, then I realised it must've been Pete. I swallowed hard and wiped my tears away with the sleeve of my shirt, well Pete's shirt. I didn't want him to know how much this had dragged me down as well. Because I wasn't aware of any mistakes I had made. There was nothing wrong with meeting Erik, we were working together and even if we weren't, I could still meet someone I got along with, it didn't mean that I had feelings for him or that I was cheating on Pete. I knew that and so did he. Which meant that there was something wrong, there was either something upsetting Pete that made him be paranoid or he was looking for drama on purpose.

I licked my lips and took a deep breath, hoping my breathing would be back to normal before Pete came into bed. I heard him take off his jacket, I heard how he slid out of his shoes. I heard him sigh deeply and I heard him lock the door. Then he came up the stairs, slowly, it felt like slow motion, everything around the bed was slower than me. Because my thoughts were running. I bit my lip. I had to address this, I had to talk to him about it.

I turned to the side right before he came in. I watched him but he couldn't see that in the dark. He pulled his shirt over his head and slid out of his jeans, putting them down on the chair opposite to the bed. Then he made his way to the bathroom, turned on the light and closed the door. When he came back out after a few minutes, he came straight to bed and I closed my eyes again. His hand started running up and down my arm and I felt him kiss my cheek. "Charlie?" he whispered. "I'm awake" I said quietly. "I didn't mean to make you cry" he said. I was such a fool, thinking he wouldn't know I had cried. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad" I said. I didn't want to be mad at him, I didn't want to fight, I wanted to know what was up or if something was wrong with him. It just seemed wrong to be mad at him, it was Pete we were talking about.

"Pete?" I asked and moved closer to him. As soon as he realised I wasn't going to push him away, his arms wrapped around me and he pulled me close to his chest. "Yeah?" he asked. "Are you okay?" I felt him inhale deeply. "Why are you asking?" he wondered. I pressed my lips together. "Well, I'm just ... worried about you. What happened earlier ... that was not ... you." He gulped. I thought he would disagree but he just sighed. "I know, I don't know what that was. You're right, I just ... we just got back together ... I don't want to lose you again." "You're not gonna lose me" I assured him. "Yeah but didn't we think that last time as well?" "I think we gave up too fast but we're not going to now because the baby's what's gonna keep us from making that same mistake." "You say that as if it's something we don't want, staying together for the baby." I kissed his chest and played with the hair in his neck. "We want it but we both give up too quickly, don't you think? We need a push to do the right thing and the baby's gonna be our push."

"Charlie, I can imagine spending the rest of my life with you" he said and my heart skipped a beat. I knew that it had taken him a lot to say that out loud and he knew that it was gonna take me even more. But I knew I had to tell him, if there was a moment to tell him, it was now and if there was a moment to fuck up, it was also now. And I couldn't fuck it up, not this time. But I also knew I would have to work for it, it would be effort to make us work out once I said this because it was a promise. "I can imagine us spending the rest of our lives together too. It just took me our break-up to realise and I'm sorry for that." Pete sighed, it sounded like relief. "I love you so much" he whispered and kissed me desperately, as if he wanted to prove something to me. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer, kissing him back just as hard. He turned me underneath him and kissed me from above until we both ran out of breath. I rested my head against his chest again and he turned into a position that was comfortable for both of us to sleep in.

-

"Charlie?" I heard Pete shout from the living room. "Yeah?" "I'm just on the phone with Alex, they're playing in L.A. tomorrow and he's asking if we want any tickets." "Actually, Fran from work loves All Time Low, do you think he could get us three tickets?" I heard him speak quietly for a few seconds, probably asking Alex. "Yeah, that works." "Thanks, tell him we love him!" I replied and put a bottle of water and an apple into my bag. "This is the day" I said when I came out of the kitchen and Pete almost ran into me. "The day?" he questioned. "I told you, today we're all gonna quit." "Right" he said. "I hope that goes well." "Oh, it will" I said. "You sound evil, Miller." I laughed. "Well, she did treat me a bit shit, let's be real." He nodded and gave me a peck on this lips. "You're right." "Are you picking me up later for that doctor's appointment?" I asked. "Definitely, I'm glad you're finally letting me come too." "It's nothing new for you." "It's still exciting." "What do you hope for?" I asked. He raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean?" "Do you want a boy or a girl? Be honest." He laughed. "We're not gonna find out today, are we?" I shook my head. "Still, I wanna know what you want. I want a girl." "Me too."

I met the girls outside the old office. We were all together and we were all ready. I was excited because this was going to be a new chapter and we were making it official. We walked up the stairs and all you heard were tons of heels clicking on the shiney ground, well, except for me but ... anyway. She didn't see this coming, a whole group of her journalists quitting. But I wasn't sorry, not after what she had said to me, not after her requesting I'd write about Pete when I had just broken up with him right after our break-up. It would probably be even more fun telling her that me and Pete were back together now.

It didn't take long. Five minutes and we were out of there, all laughing, relieved and also excited because now our project, our magazine, it seemed even more real, it seemed legit and we were dedicating ourselves to it. We walked around just a few blocks and into a restaurant where Ally had called for a table earlier. We cheered to our success and to finally going through with it and committing to our magazine and that it was going to be great. They also told me that they had really enjoyed reading Erik's work and that it was definitely something to consider, taking him on board. When the food came, I remembered something. "Hey, Fran, I hope you haven't got plans tomorrow night." She looked at me, putting her glass down. "Why?" "Because this morning, Pete was talking to Alex and he asked me if I wanted All Time Low tickets so I said he should get us three so you can come along as well!" Her eyes widened and she got up, hurrying around the table to hug me from the side. I laughed. "Thank you, that's amazing! I can't wait!" she exclaimed. I smiled and patted her arm. "You're welcome. I just thought of you instantly. It's gonna be great, we can even be backstage and everything but if you'd rather be in the crowd..." "This is so exciting" she squeaked and the others around the table were also happy for her. I had never seen All Time Low live before, only the few songs they had played when I had first met Pete.

Pete picked me up outside the restaurant. When I got into the car, he leaned over and kissed me before starting to drive. "I had this interview today and I was asked about you" he said. I looked at him. "Really? What did you say?" "Well, I was asked if we're together again because there's been a few photos online." "Did you admit to it?" He nodded slowly, looking up at me carefully, biting his lip. "Is that okay? It was kind of obvious." I nodded. "Yeah, sure. I mean, as long as there are no nasty rumors out there or someone finding out I'm pregnant. You didn't say that, right?!" He shook his head quickly. "No, Miller, don't worry, of course not. Nobody needs to know that, I've been through it with Ashlee and it was the worst when the press knew." "Thanks." "So, ready for the doctor's appointment?" I laughed. "The question is: are you?"

We didn't have to wait long and it was just a regular check-up but for some reason, I really did want Pete there this time. He held my hand during the check-up and he seemed just as excited as me. When we got out of the building, he put his arm around me. "I'm so proud of you" he said. I looked up at him. "And why is that?" "Well, first, because you've finally realised high heels are only going to do damage on your body while you're pregnant. But most importantly, you're being great about the pregnancy and you quit your job today to focus on what really matters to you." I raised my eyebrows. "What are the first two things to be proud of?" "You accepted that you can be hot without heels." "You just want to me to be so much shorter than you." He laughed. "Maybe. And the fact that you're very calm and everything with the pregnancy." "Excuse me? I've been so damn hormonal that..." "Shh. I'm complimenting you." I laughed too, gently slapping his chest. "You're impossible." He chuckled and kissed my cheek. "But you love it." I leaned against his shoulder and hugged him from the side before we reached the car. "I do."

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