Irresistible - Pete Wentz Fanfic (Part 2)

Chapter 1

Pete Wentz was a dick. And just like people did online, he was also to blame. What for? It's simple: everything. Because it's the truth, everything is his fault, at least everything that went wrong after I met him. That may sound very ungrateful, considering everything that he has done for me but honestly, I wasn't saying this lightly. I had a ton of back-up for my statement, I was right.

I tried to focus on the arcticle I was writing but it was impossible because I had 'Uma Thurman' stuck in my head and that consistently made me think of Pete which was the last thing I wanted. Sofia had been blasting the album non-stop though, inside and outside of her own apartment so there was really no escaping. And it was no secret that Fall Out Boy do great songs and that they're super catchy. I didn't know how to distract myself so I started blasting All Time Low but that didn't help, it's very hard to get rid of a song that's stuck in your head, especially when you've listened to it a million times.

But I needed a break from Fall Out Boy and it's members because Pete was too much but when you lived in L.A., he was everywhere. Not only did you sometimes spot him from a far distance, he was also on a lot of magazine covers and there were also a lot of people who were talking about him. For example, Sofia saw him all the time since she had started going out with Gabe and when she told a story about something that had happened, she would always stop herself when she realised she was about to mention his name. But I didn't want to hear his name, I didn't want to hear anything about him.

I gave up on the article and pushed myself away from the desk, getting up and pacing up and down the room before grabbing my coat and slipping into my vans. Then I took my bag and locked the door, jumped down the stairs and out the door of the apartment building. The neighborhood was cheap and kind of creepy but I had needed a place to go that was not Pete's freaking mansion. And this had been my only escape since I didn't want to use another friend just because I was homeless and I had made some money at least, now that I was writing for a little newspaper again. Somebody tell me again that living in L.A. is the dream.

The bright lights of the gas station were glowing in the distance and I took a deep sigh. I didn't want to do this but I knew I had to and I wouldn't feel better otherwise. Of course, it would only last until the shame would return and the disappointment in myself but I really didn't care. I put my hands into my pockets and looked down my body, regretting going out in this state already but really, who knew me anymore? I was just the girl that once dated Pete Wentz and had her sex tape with Benji Madden leaked online but then again, it hadn't gotten me anything permanently, except for a few followers on Twitter.

I wondered what Pete was doing at this moment while I was hitting my low point. Was he with Bronx? Or was he with Ashlee? Was he out somewhere and trying to replace me? It hurt to think about it so I swallowed and shook my head as if that would make the bad thoughts and the aftertaste of what all our drama had left go away. I wanted to go back and apologize and tell him that I had made a big mistake but that was all simply impossible and it also would've hit me deeply in my dignity. I was not going to go weak over this, it had been his fault and he had made the wrong decisions and he had not thought about anything. It seemed now that he didn't even know me and had no idea about me which made me doubt if I was ever even important to him in the first place.

I finally reached the gas station and the doors slid open. I walked through the isles of gossip magazines, frozen pizzas, beer and finally made it to the counter where a girl with dark skin and a lot of piercings all over her face looked up from a magazine she was reading. Her nail polish was shiney which meant she had just freshly done it and when she put down the magazine carefully, that just confirmed it. I breathed in the sharp scent of nail polish and tried to only breathe with my mouth until I'd get out of there.

"One red Malboro" I said. She nodded slowly and tried to fish a pack out of the shelf without damaging her freshly painted nails. I smiled to myself. "Or no ... make it two" I changed my mind, partly because I didn't want to go down here feeling guilty again but also because I really wanted to see her feel the struggle again. Who painted their nails at work when you had to handle money and producs at the counter?

I slightly shook my head in disbelief and handed her the money which she left on the counter so she wouldn't have to open the register and I regretted not giving it to her in notes so she'd have to fumble for change.

I left the shop and lit one of the cigarettes right away, pressing it between my lips and letting the flame dance for just a second before I finally took a satisfying drag and put the lighter away. I breathed out the smoke into the air in rings, proud that I could still do it and sighed in relief. I had needed that and I felt better unbelievably fast, no matter that I knew it wouldn't last. I had stopped smoking for an ex, I might as well start because of another. It was my life and I wouldn't let any men have an impact on my decisions, especially when they weren't in my life anymore.

I walked a few more steps and intended to sit down on a bench on the side of the street but then I remembered what neighborhood I lived in so I kept walking until I reached my apartment again. I locked the doors and pulled down the blinds, then I sat down on the couch, lit a candle and another cigarette and leaned back. Sofia wouldn't approve, Mandy wouldn't approve and most of all, Pete wouldn't approve. But after the shit he had pulled, I couldn't have given less of a fuck about his opinion.

It had started out very slowly and he had dropped hints that we could get married and I had thought he was talking about a very distant future since it hadn't been too long since his divorce but then he started getting more into it and then, he proposed. And I cannot say anything against the fact that it was wonderful and I really felt that he knew me but if he had known me after all, he would've known that I wouldn't get married, not after that short period of time we'd been together. But he did it all very sweetly, after a night out at the club, we had come back to his place and we had gone to bed and then suddenly, when I had just come back from the bathroom in underwear, there he had been in the bedroom, down on one knee and with a ring that was more beautiful than his eyes. And it had taken me by surprise, it was not the sort of thing you'd expect from somebody you had just been with for a couple of months. I had told him that I didn't know that I needed time to think about it because he must know that I can't make a decision like that off the top of my head and he had said that it was best if you made a decision like that but I knew that I had to think it through and that it was not my kind of thing and that after what had happened with my last relationship, I wasn't so keen on getting married which was still true.

And then the Fall Out Boy stress had started and I had thought that he'd calm down but it kept getting worse and worse. He kept saying that he wanted me to commit to him and when I asked him why and what he didn't like about the situation, he'd be sweet on the one hand, compliment me and tell me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever because now he was sure that the marriage would last but then on the other hand, he had taken Bronx as an excuse, he had been convinced that if I wouldn't decide to marry him, I would at one point disappear after I had been introduced to Bronx and brought into his life, as if that made a difference, as if it wasn't impossible to leave when you're married.

And after that, right before he had gone on tour, he dropped the ultimatum. He had then become really obsessive and he wanted me to commit because I guess he wanted to be sure that I'd stay with him and I kept assuring him that I would if only he wouldn't push me away by making me uncomfortable with urging me to commit to him. But he hadn't understood that and he hadn't seen the hints that he was driving me further and further away and that in the end, it all became too much. When he asked me to choose if I wanted everything or nothing, I couldn't speak. And he had taken that as an answer and I had left that night. I had crashed with Mandy for one night and then I had found the cheap place that I moved into. It was alright to get to work from there as well.

And now here I was, sitting in my cheap little hole with a cigarette even though I hadn't smoked in months, I was looking up at the ceiling and I was missing the only good thing that had happened to me in a very long time but at the same time, it wouldn't have made me happy to marry him either. I watched the smoke dance upwards until it spread until it was gone. There was nothing I could do but hope to move on. I crushed the cigarette in the ashtray I had found and lit another one.