Chapter 8

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"That is not what you should be doing at work" I heard from behind me and Kate rested her chin on my shoulder, looking at my computer screen. I gently pushed her off and turned around with my chair after minimizing the window. "What are you going here?" I asked. She smiled and handed me one of the two paper cups in her hand. "Hey, thanks, I don't care what you're going here" I grinned and she shrugged, sitting down on my desk and swinging her legs back and forth.

"Mandy told me about your plan, that you wanna start your own paper." I rolled my eyes. "Hey, that was something Gabe brainstormed, I have not decided anything yet and also, I have not asked anybody yet." She sighed dramatically and her eyes scanned the office room, checking out the other writers. "I'm not sure if they'd really be in on it when it's all or nothing." Kate shrugged. "Well, you know you can count on me. I was wondering if I should be offended that you didn't ask me after we both went down together at the last magazine." I smiled and shook my head. "Of course I would've asked you, it's just all very vague so far." She nodded. "Yeah, I get it. You know I think you could do something awesome. Your writing's great and you can also judge other people's writing pretty well. You always used to help me out." "And you're great, that's why I would've asked you." She smirked. "I thought it was because I'm your friend." I patted her hand, then got up. "I will just go around and ask some of the others later." "Yeah, right now you're busy with other things" Kate winked and pointed at the minimized window that had Pete's twitter account pulled up. I rolled my eyes. "Time for you to leave, honey" I said and gestured to the office door. She stuck her tongue out at me and messed up my hair before leaving.

The hands crept over the clock-face and it felt like eternity until I could finally leave the office. I wanted to finish all my work there so I wouldn't have to do anything at home and so my boss wouldn't have anything to complain about. I put on my coat and hung my bag over my shoulder, then headed for the elevator.

Before the doors closed I front of me, I heard heels clicking on the floor in a fast pace so I stuck my foot between the doors and they opened again. The pink scarf almost hit me in the face when she jumped in and then turned to me, fixing her clothes after running. "Thanks" Sue said quickly. I smiled. "No problem." She ran her fingers through her hair. "You look exhausted" she said but she didn't mean it in a bad way, she simply stated it. "I am" I said. "Me too, you should think that when you run a magazine, you'd show some compassion for your writers but nothing. It's like all she does is moan but she never does anything." My eyes widened and I stood straight. "Can I tell you something between you and me?" I asked, seeing my chance and lowering my voice even though we were alone. She nodded. "Sure." Her bubbly face lit up. "So, I've been getting real tired of her too and I was thinking of maybe starting my own magazine, I just need a few people and I have a friend who would publish it." "What direction do you have in mind?" she asked, seeming interested instantly which made me feel better straight away. "I don't know, definitely a magazine for women but not discussing gossip, maybe lifestyle or political issues that we all deal with on a daily basis, be it as a mother, a friend or simply a female member of society. Does that make sense?"

I didn't think it was possible but her face lit up even brighter. "Charlie, that is awesome! I am in, if you're hiring already." "It's all very early stages but maybe you can ask around confidentially too around the office, only people you think you can trust though." "That'd be so cool, I really hope that works, I'm so glad you told me. I've been trying to find something better than this place for ages." I smiled and took her hand, squeezing it for a second. I wasn't usually that emotional but I guess I could blame in on the hormones or maybe even the fact that this was about something I was passionate about.

The doors opened. "This is gonna be great!" Sue announced once more before dancing out the building and getting into a cab. I smiled to myself and decided to walk the way back. Not having a car really sucked but I had been left with no choice than selling it once I had moved out of Pete's house. But I was feeling good again now and the sun was shining still so I decided to walk once more. Exercise was always good, especially since I was going to gain a lot of weight soon anyway. I felt like I already should've been preparing but it hadn't even been a month. Or was I late if I started preparing now? Maybe I should've been getting books and baby toys already? I didn't know how it worked, I'd never had a baby before and neither did any of my friends, just Pete. And I had no idea how it all had gone down when him and Ashlee had been expecting while still being married.

When I came home, I made a doctor's appointment, then I sat down on my computer and picked out a few books on becoming a mum. I didn't order them right away because I wasn't sure about the money, I saved my selection though. I felt bad about considering taking Pete's offer but honestly, how long would it take until I would make it on my own? There was the risk of not making it all. So how stupid was I to not take this chance? It was something I really wanted to do, I had told him so many times. But I felt like I was betraying my morals, taking so much from him again. I wasn't myself anymore, I wanted to be on my own and I wanted to be responsible for myself. I didn't want to end up like this, depending on Pete. I had to get my own life together but that was only possible with his help. I hated it.

Once I was done, I had a small dinner, poured myself a big glass of wine and decided to take a bath. For a while, I sat in the hot water, foam covering everything but my head and closed my eyes, thinking about my idea, the vision that Gabe had given me and I realised that I really had to be thankful if I was going to go through with it. In my head, ideas started forming, the vision became clearer and I saw headlines and different cover stories, issues about topics that actually meant something to people. I just wanted to create something I could be proud of and if it was a product of myself and other great writers, I was doing it myself. And maybe I only needed Pete for the recognition and what was wrong with that? It was stupid not to take such a chance, right?

When I realised that my head was becoming dizzy because the glass beside me was empty, I got out of the tub and dried myself, brushed my hair and slipped into my short pajamas. Then I blew out the candles I had enjoyed during my lonely bath and retreated to bed. Just when I was about to put away the phone after scrolling through my social media for a bit, I had an incoming call. I raised one eyebrow and took the call, knowing what to expect. I sighed deeply but didn't say anything but I knew I wouldn't have to anyway.

"Charlie?" "Yes, Pete?" I asked, pulling the covers over my body and closing my eyes, cuddling into the warmth and comfort of my bed. "How are you?" I laughed quietly. "Really? I told you I'd call you during the week." He laughed nervously on the other end. He hadn't even been nervous when he had first asked me out so why was he being like that now? "I just wanted to check on you." "My door is locked" I joked and I heard him sigh. "You're not taking me seriously." "Of course not, you're behaving like an overprotective father." He coughed quietly to make me realise what I was saying, then I laughed. "Sorry, you know what I mean." "Yeah but still." "I'm alright, I found a few baby books online today that I might get" I said. "That's good. I bet Ash still has some too." "Oh, that'd be cool" I said, relieved that there wouldn't be any money-spending involved. "I'll be sure to ask her." "Thanks. I feel like there's so much I need to know and so little time to learn it all. I know that every woman would ask her mother in this case but I don't want to." "You don't have to. You'll make it." "Pete?" I said, my voice quieter now as I spoke into the darkness. The fact that I was by myself in a flat, on the side of town where my baby's father wasn't showed me that I was glad he had called me so we could talk about it, I needed somebody to talk about it and Sofia and Mandy were no help unfortunately because they had another part of what it meant to become a mother in mind.

"Yeah?" he asked. "I'm afraid I'm not going to be good enough." "No, Charlie, don't say that. I know you, you're great with Bronx. And you're great with Gabe" he said which made me laugh. I felt stupid laughing in my dark bedroom by myself. "I could also handle you pretty well" I joked and he laughed too. "Seriously though, even if you're not ready now, you will be soon. That experience, it changes people, believe me, you're gonna do great."

Tears started forming in my eyes. "I'm glad it's you, no matter that we're not together anymore" I whispered, wondering if he had even heard me. He said nothing but he sucked in some air audibly which gave it away. "Thanks for calling, I know you mean well" I gave in. "And I talked to a girl at my work today, she'd be in on the project. And Kate too of course." "That's amazing, Charlie, I'm sure it'll work out. And you don't need to stay on DCD2, it's just to get you started. I understand you wanna make it on your own but you also have to see my point of view, I know your talent and I don't want it to take ages until other people get to find that out too just because it's so hard to get started." I smiled to myself. "I know you mean well, Pete. Thank you." "What are you up to?" "I'm already in bed, I was about to go to sleep when you called." "Oh, sorry, am I keeping you up?" I thought about it for a second. "Actually, no..." "Are you sure?" I smiled. "Yeah, tell me about your day..."

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