Chapter 2

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Luckily, the press had no idea and there weren't any gossip magazines going "Stupid girl turns down Pete Wentz" or "Not so "Good Charlotte" declines marriage proposal - what we would give to have been in her position". And I was glad about that because after what had happened with Benji, I really didn't need half of L.A. hating on me again, especially without anybody to comfort me and tell me he's had it worse. Mandy had been trying to set me up with somebody to get over the rebound-phase quickly and painlessly but I was not in the mood for a new guy. Guys sucked. Because really, I had had no luck with my last two ex-boyfriends so who was I to desperately look for somebody new? I wasn't asking to be hurt.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door of my new boss' office. This maybe wasn't Vogue but it was also not a Gossip magazine, it was just a small paper that did this and that and I think the editor was still trying to find the right direction for it and we had a few very great writers. I had only done a few pieces assigned by the boss and I was hoping to do something a little more me.

"Yes? Come in" I heard from inside the office and opened the door, looking at the woman who turned in her chair as if she was the godfather. She smiled and pointed at the chair opposite her desk. I sat down and folded my hands in my lap. "I was wondering how you liked the piece I sent you last night" I said and she started nodding. "Yeah, it was good, I enjoyed it. I was thinking we should get a little more into the world of the rich and famous, what do you think?" I gasped and automatically shook my head. "I think I've just come out of that world" I replied quickly. Her eyes widenend as if she had an epiphany. "You know Pete Wentz, right?!" I raised my eyebrows and just kept shaking my head. "I don't" I said but she was already in too deep. "No, I saw you in all those magazines and it was like..." "Please. I dated him, I broke up with him, I really don't want anything to do with him right now, it's still kind of fresh" I said even though that was totally not my thing, just blurting out my heart like that but I was aiming at the woman in her, the woman we all have inside of us that just understands a fellow struggling gal. But not this one, not my boss. She decided to poke around in the wound a little bit. "I hired you even though I knew you had a sex tape somewhere out there, sweetie." I took a deep breath because for some reason I knew that this was going to haunt me sooner or later and I wanted to slap Benji right across the face. "I know and I'm very thankful for that" I said calmly and tried to remain professional because she wasn't right now. "So you're going to do this. You're actually going to write about how it was to date him." "Things ended on bad terms, I'd really rather not." "I don't care. You do this or you lose your job." I look at her with big eyes. "Are you serious?" She looked unimpressed. "Of course I'm serious. Do I look like I'm joking?" I took a deep breath, trying to still remain calm, then I just turned on my heel and left the office.

I was shaking and gritting my teeth all the way back to my place. My hands clenching into fists and my heart beating in my chest, all I wanted to do was let myself explode right then, I made my way home without even thinking about it. I would pretend I was writing but to be honest, there was nothing I'd dislike writing about more than my relationship with Pete. I hated my boss at this point and I wished she would understand my struggle but she obviously didn't and that made me extremly mad. I wanted to just quit because she couldn't just treat me like that but we all knew she could. She was right, she had hired me despite the sex tape of me and Benji and that was extremely generous and I was very grateful but she didn't need to play it out against me like that. I was well aware of the fact that barely anybody else would've taken me, especially on a serious newspaper. But of course, the seriousness was going downhill. Soon, she would turn that nice magazine without direction but with brilliant and talented writers into one of the nastiest ones. And I really didn't want to write about Pete. I wanted to forget about it. I'd always treasure the time we'd had but I also just wanted to be left alone with it for a while. Pete had done a lot for me and writing about my relationship with him would just basically be me thanking him and I knew that he'd read it, just like I was listening to his music and then he'd think wrong of me and I really didn't want that. But also, I didn't feel capable of lying in an article like that. So I did the only thing I could think of, I called Sofia.

Once I had finished telling her about my problem, she was on top of it already. It took her only moments to come down with a bottle of wine, she sat herself down on my couch and turned an old recording of a German music festival from the summer on, then she poured us both a glass and before I knew it, we cheered to being single, no matter she was dating Gabe. She also wanted me to just calm down and write the piece which I declined right away. But two more glasses later in the evening, I was in front of my laptop and I was writing a piece on how I thought my life would turn out and how it had turned out instead. And before I could sober up and regret it, Sofia had already sent it away for the next issue. And I knew that once it was in the devil's office, there was no return. Especially because it had come from my e-mail and it was all the truth.

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