Chapter 11

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Bronx had once more requested for me to fall asleep beside him but when he had closed his eyes and started breathing evenly and the same went for Pete, I wasn't tired at all, at least not the kind of tired that would help me sleep. I was the way of tired that made me question everything and overthink everything even though that was the thing that I did not want to do at all.

I snuck out of bed and tiptoed out of the room and downstairs, to watch some TV and distract myself. But when I came down the stairs and around the corner, the huge TV was already lightening up the living room, flickering across the opposite wall and also William's face. I approached him and he looked up at me, a smile spread across his face, then he lifted up the blanket that he had thrown over his lower half as an invitation and I climbed under it beside him. "Can't sleep either?" he asked. I shook my head and yawned, holding my hand up in front of my mouth. "Wine?" he asked and I nodded, taking the bottle from him and taking a sip. It was alright to have a little drink every once in a while, I had found out and I was glad about that. Then I directed my focus to the TV. "What are we watching?" He shrugged. "I don't know, I'm looking for something that isn't absolutely brainless." I laughed quietly into the darkness. "Sounds good."

Once we had landed on a mexican soap opera and not bothered to change the channel again, he turned to me when I had almost fallen asleep against his shoulder. "Charlie?" When he spoke, I jumped and sat straight, staring at him. "Um ... yeah?" "Pete told me you're scared of becoming a mother and I think you're going to be great. You're so good with Bronx, why would it be any different with your own baby? If anything, you're going to be even better with it." I sighed. "He sure likes to talk, doesn't he?" I grinned and William slapped his hand against his lips. "I'm sorry, I will shut up." I laughed. "No, I'm just messing with you, it's fine. And that's really nice of you to say, thanks." "I just think it's great what you're doing for Bronx. You're obviously not quite alright being around Pete yet and still, you're staying here, overnight even, just for Bronx. And that's great, I mean, what do you expect being a parent is going to be about? Sacrifices to make your kid happy but when they're happy, you're happy too." I smiled and it was good to talk to somebody who actually knew what he was talking about.

I put my head down on his shoulder and took a deep breath. "Thanks, it's good talking to somebody who knows what he's talking about." "You can always talk to Pete." I sighed. "I'm afraid that's not the same." William nodded. "Yeah, I guess. I think you guys are handling this pretty maturely though." I laughed quietly. "Me and Pete, mature? Good one." He laughed too. "Well, you could be dealing with this situation a lot differently. You could be off with the kid or asking him for support but not allowing him to see his kid. He could try to get full custody. You guys are handling this in the most mature way even though you're not together anymore." I sighed. "I wish we still were together, not because I'm still into him but because it'd be the best for the kid, you know?" "Hey, Bronx is fine too, my girl is fine too" he said and put his arm around me. I pressed my lips together. "Yeah, I guess." "You'll make it, you don't live too far away from eachother." "Oh, if it was up to Pete, I'd move back in here." William chuckled. "Yeah, I know. But he means well, he wants you close and once the baby's there, he wants it close too. You get that, right?" I swallowed hard. "Of course but I need some space. After all, we're not together anymore."

Cuddled under the blanket, William clicked through the channels some more until he landed on an old recording of a Beatles show. We sang along quietly and danced with our arms, drinking wine and just being silly and pulling faces at eachother until I got more and more tired from even the bit of booze and also the fact that it was early in the morning. I ended up with the back of my head on William's lap, looking up at him into the dark which my eyes had gotten used too. He played with my hair while he stared at the screen and I closed my eyes, snapping out of my half-sleep whenever something relatively loud filled the room from the TV speakers.

After a while, I took his hand into both of mine. "It's good you were here too tonight, it would've been too weird if I had been alone with them again. It's just so strange despite the fact that I got so used to it before." He chuckled. "You're welcome, I guess" he said, leaning down to look closely at me. I sat up slowly, not taking my eyes off his face. Before I could even focus and fight for my vision against the tiredness of my body, I felt something against my lips. I gasped in surprise and pulled back slightly but then automatically moved back forward to kiss William again. He drew me closer with his fingers under my chin and I leaned in, his lips moved against mine softly.

Coming back to my senses, I pulled away for good and moved back. When I looked up at him, he also looked shocked. "Fuck!" I hissed and hid my face in my hands, shaking my head. "Fuck, fuck, what the fuck..." I mumbled and pulled the covers over my head. "That bad?" he said with an amused tone but I could tell he didn't quite find it funny himself. "I think this should stay between us" I said. William nodded but then stopped. "Shouldn't Pete know? Doesn't he deserve to know?" "No, we're not together anymore, I don't owe him that, it's none of his business." "But he still like..." "No!" I cut him off. "He doesn't need to know, that'll only make things harder and more complicated."

I didn't want him to know because I didn't want him to think anything bad about me and also, he would've hated William for making out with his ex-girlfriend. I didn't even know why I had done it, maybe because I missed Pete, maybe because William was being so nice to me and it was good to have somebody or maybe it was because of the hormones but I just wanted to forget about it. Or not forget about it but not think about it until I would be cool with it.

"I think I'll go back upstairs" I said, now wanting the comfort and the familiarness of Pete and Bronx. This was all so strange and I felt like I was going to pass out when I moved off the couch and tiptoed over to the stairs. "Goodnight" William said and I waved without looking back, hurrying up the stairs quietly. I wanted everything that I was used to, I didn't want any changes, I wanted nothing new, I didn't want to feel this strange feeling in my core that something was not right. I wasn't able to handle this kind of confusion.

I entered the bedroom and carefully climbed into bed. Pete turned and I was scared I had woken him. "Charlie, are you okay?" he whispered but I could tell he was still half-asleep so I reassuringly squeezed his hand. "Yeah, of course, just keep sleeping." His hand wrapped around mine and before I knew it, he had his arm around me and pulled me close and I didn't even mind. I rested my head against his chest and relaxed and nothing could've made me feel better at that point.

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