Chapter 3

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I woke up by a stinging pain in my stomach but half-asleep, I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was. I turned in bed but it wouldn't get better so I finally realised I was feeling sick. I opened my eyes and rubbed them, getting the covers off me and tumbling out of bed and into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water and downed it quickly, then headed for the bathroom, sure that I would've finally gotten my period since it had been overdue for a while but I didn't worry too much, it happened sometimes.

But that was a false alarm, instead it took me two seconds to realise that it was going to be the opposite and I got up from the toilet, pulled up my panties and turned around, bent over the toilet and threw up violently even though I had eaten barely anything last night. It was most of the wine and I thought I was going to be sick again just thinking about it.

I dropped to my knees on the bathroom floor and my head was spinning, my stomach was aching but it was definitely empty. I felt better but at the same time, I couldn't have felt worse. I made sure that I didn't need to throw up again, then I got up and downed two more glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I tried to breathe evenly and think about scenarios that made this possible but not as bad as I thought it was. There had to be another reason for this happening but deep down, I knew there wasn't. I sat down on the couch and leaned back, I started breathing heavily. This couldn't be happening, no fucking way. I started shaking, my palms were sweating and I was getting hot and cold alternately. NO.

Once I had calmed down, okay, not really calmed down but gotten myself down to the point where I could speak without feeling like I'd have to bend over the toilet again, I took my phone and called Mandy. I needed somebody to tell me that there were other reasons for my situation, something that was just as possible as the reason fear was boiling up inside me. I had goosebumps and I wanted to fall asleep so I wouldn't have to think about this. But instead, I waited for Mandy to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" "Mandy, you have to come over right now." She heard how alarmed I was right away. "What's wrong?" "I'd rather not say it out loud." "What is happening?" "Please, just come over" I said, hoping she wouldn't be too worried but to be honest, she had all the reason to be.

I didn't know what to do but I knew exactly what I had to do so I stood up and pulled my jeans on. I knew they had been getting tighter! I got dressed and brushed my hair, then grabbed my keys and my wallet and jogged down the stairs and out the door. Just around the corner there was a pharmacy so I looked around if anybody who could possibly know me was around, then stepped in and bought a pregnancy test as fast as I could. It hurt to admit that I needed to take this test but I couldn't be left in the dark, I had to know and I hoped with all my heart that it would be negative but if I was already feeling it on my jeans and throwing up in the morning, it had to mean something. The woman behind the counter smiled at me as if this was a good thing and I faked a smile back because I didn't want to destroy her imagination. Then I hurried out and back down the street as soon as I could, almost automatically reaching into my pocket, pulling out the pack of smokes. It took me lighting the cigarette and taking a drag that made me feel sick again to realise I was unbelievably stupid. I jumped and threw the cigarette away, stepped on it and threw the lighter and the rest of the pack into the nearest bin as well. What was I doing?

I would have a baby, I'd end up with a baby who's dad was Pete but me and Pete weren't together anymore. I had wanted kids and Pete had said that Bronx had grown to be like my stepson but then again, we hadn't been entirely off the idea of me becoming pregnant. Sometimes, we had used protection and sometimes we hadn't and I had forgotten my pill a few times but that was fine because we didn't know what would happen and I know it was stupid, I can admit that but I was ready to stand my ground and take responsibility for my mistakes. But in this case, a baby was not a mistake, maybe that would help me get my life together, have something to make an effort for. And I wasn't getting younger so when if not now?

I made it back home and closed the door behind myself, leaning against it backwards. I slid down the wood and took a deep breath, trying to not freak out. I hadn't thought this through but if I was actually pregnant, this would mean there would me intense consequences. It'd mean I'd have to find a new place, I'd have to keep this job and do whatever this bitch of a boss wanted from me, no matter if she had compassion or not. She had not shown empathy for my recent break-up so why would she care if I was with child? I was already preparing myself but I was good with kids, I just had to learn about the early stuff and was I saying? There was so much more to it but I felt ready, I knew I had to be ready because what else could've been giving me these kinds of symptoms? I knew I was pregnant but I needed the test to confirm it so it was legitimized to think about it and actually freak out. I didn't want to freak out for nothing, I wanted it to have a reason but I knew I wouldn't have to wait long. And I didn't want any drama, I just had to know so I gathered all my strengh together and pushed myself off the floor. Then I made myself the way to the bathroom and unpacked the test.

From the couch, I heard the sound. My heart skipped a beat and I jumped. Even though I had said no drama and I didn't want to build up any tension because I was already too scared, my steps back into the bathroom couldn't have been any slower. I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair, then put my hand on my heart and saw the test lying on the edge of the sink where it was the upside down.

I gulped and I knew I couldn't wait any longer, I had to know. I reached out for it and rested my other hand on the sink for support. I turned the test around and then it really hit me. I dropped it into the sink and reached for my phone on the windowsill, then dialed Mandy's numer.

"Yeah? I'm on my way over, anything you need?" she asked, her voice still worried. I swallowed hard. "Yeah" I choked out. "Bring Sofia."

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