Evermore - jaylor story (peace book 2)

i'm feeling thirty-four

-42 days old (32 weeks gestation) 9th December- 

-taylors pov- 

The days seem to pass by quickly and slowly at the same time. I guess when you spend a lot of your time in the hospital that's what it's like. Every day I spend hours here holding aurora or just being in the room, so she isn't alone. Joe and my mom do the same thing, we try to find a balance but it's hard. 

Aurora is still on the b-cpap and it seems to be working. She is still requiring a lot of oxygen which isn't ideal but at least today she is getting her PICC line out which is exiting. These days she isn't requiring as much fluid or medicine that she needs it, so they want to take it out. I'm a little nervous because that means they will have to poke her when she needs bloods taken but at least it's a sign that they think she is stabilizing. They did say that if she needed a new one, they would probably put a regular IV in her scalp instead. It also means that it will be easier for joe and me to move her into our arms ourselves. We have been doing most of her care routines if we are here anyway, and it's making me feel more like a mother every day. The main problem with her now is her lungs that are underdeveloped and her bradycardia and apnea episodes, otherwise she seems fine thankfully. 

Joe is in the hospital with aurora while she is getting her piccline out while Ellie and I are on a mission to get some premature clothes. we have waited to buy stuff but when she has her piccline out they said she can wear some things as long as they're easy to get on and don't mess with her b-cpap lines. So we are in a baby store at the mall looking at things, mainly sleepsuits that have snaps in the front so that we don't need to pull anything over her head. 

"Mommy this one!" Ellie says and point to a pink sleepsuit with small Minie mouse decals in white. "that's really cute, let's get that" I say, and we move around the store. We need to get the suits without feet attached because she has the pulse and oxygen monitor attached to her little foot. We are allowed to take it off to get it on her, but we need to put it right back on. Ellie said that it was sad because her feet would get cold, so we decided to get some socks too and see if we can get them on her. 

it takes a while for us to get back to the hospital because we also have to go home and wash and dry the clothes before we can put them on aurora. But eventually we make it there and see joe doing skin to skin with aurora in the recliner. "Hi daddy!" Ellie says and skip over to him "hey Ellie, did you find some cute stuff for aurora?" he asks, and she nods. 

"they're teeny tiny" she says and dramatically throws herself on the couch and land her head in my mom's lap. "that's because she too is teeny tiny. But she is eating like a good girl so she can grow big and strong just like you" 

"Do you want to show daddy what else we got?" I ask her and she shoots up "yes". We also got a couple of swaddle blankets because she is still wrapped up in those all the time. So, we got a frozen one since Ellie insisted and then a pack of Aden and Anais swaddle blankets too. We used those with Ellie, and they worked well. 

It's actually pretty strange to me that there are blankets and wraps in auroras incubator because as a new mom you always learn that you're not supposed to keep anything in their bed, but I guess the nicu is the expectation. It does make sense to keep them warm and snug since they are really supposed to still me in their mom's belly. 

I was thinking we should get her some Christmas stuff, but Ellie objected saying that aurora wouldn't like that, that aurora wanted to be in princess stuff just like her. That's not a fight I wanted to take so I just did what she wanted. It's not caving really, it's giving her some sense of control when everything these days are pretty out of control for her. She doesn't have any say in what's going on and the fact that her parents rarely see her at the same time, so if this gives her some comfort I don't mind.