Evermore - jaylor story (peace book 2)

feeling useless

-one day old- 

-taylors pov- 

My security drives me home as I don't think I'm able to drive right now. After all I gave birth 24 hours ago so I'm still sore everywhere. 

Ellie comes running when I walk in the door "mommy!" she says and throws her little arms around my legs "ellie!" I say with the same excitement. I hate being away from her, it hurts me as she is just my precious little girl. 

"Baby sister?" she says and lay a hand on my stomach "do you remember what mommy said, she needs to be in the hospital, so daddy is with her now. But I do have pictures I can show you" I tell her, and she jumps in excitement. 

I take off my coat and shoes before following her into the Livingroom where my mom is too, we all sit on the couch, and I show them pictures that I took in the NICU. Pictures of the front of her little bed where you can see her name and then the pictures I took looking into the incubator. 

"Mommy, box?" Ellie says and furrow her eyebrows. "Yes, when babies come out really early, they need a lot of help. So the box is helping her" I try to explain but it's hard to figure out what's right to say. 

After spending some time snuggled on the couch with Ellie I announce I need to take a shower but Ellie protests. "No mommy. Don't go!" she says and cling to my arm. "Do you want to come with? You can take a toy and sit in the bathroom?" I tell her, I really don't want to argue with her right now. Sure I know I shouldn't cave but right now I just can't deal with it. 

She grabs a toy and follow me upstairs. I grab new clothes and the post-partum stuff I need before jumping in the shower. The hot water against my sore body feels really good. "let it go, let it go" Ellie sings outside of the shower while she plays with her Elsa toddler doll. "Mommy sing too!" 

We have a sing along with let it go over and over again while I get cleaned up. It would be nice to have a shower alone where I could think but I know she needs her mom so it's fine. A lot has happened the last 24 hours and I know she is affected too. I wish I could take her with me and show her where her baby sister is to explain it better. There are so many rules in the NICU that we haven't gotten the hang of yet, so we want to make sure we know it all before bringing Ellie. I'm just thankful that they even allow siblings because some NICU's don't. This nicu allows visitors during the day shift. But that's only if there aren't any babies needing procedures or if there are other mayor situations going on. 

After taking a shower I do the post-partum care needed for my body. I'm obviously bleeding, which is just gross, and then I have a lot of pain everywhere. My back is aching, my crotch hurts a lot and I'm absolutely exhausted. My boobs hurt a lot, and that's not exactly getting better when I'm pumping every couple of hours, and they leak too which is just... I don't want to deal with any of this. There is so much going on with both kids that I'm just resenting my body for being annoying. 

I lay down on the couch and Ellie is playing around me while I just try to relax some, and my mom is going home for a bit to just get some more stuff. She is a life saver now; she is staying here until aurora comes home from the hospital. We didn't even have to ask, she announced it and I'm so thankful I don't even think I can ever thank her enough. 

But I know now it's time to tell people what's going on. I don't want to call people; I can't deal with talking on the phone. I know joe has called his parents already, I gave him that task so now it's just a matter of telling our closest friends and family. My mom has also called my dad and brother so I don't need to tell them either. 

I draft a copy and paste text to send to Abigail, Blake, Selena, Claire, Estie and her sisters, Lilly, ed, and matt joes' best friend from home. I'm sure there is someone I'm forgetting but I just can't think straight really.