Evermore - jaylor story (peace book 2)

the oscar goes to...

-taylors pov-

But then across from us a person we weren't expecting gets seated... my ex, tom Hiddleston. Our eyes meet and I get really nervous, we haven't seen each other in years. Even when we are in London, where we live on the same street, we don't really see one another.

"Taylor. Nice to see you. And are you joe?" he greets me with a smile and joe too. "Hi tom. Nice to see you too" I say and force a smile. Joe greets him too "yes, I'm joe" he says and take my had under the table clearly sensing that I'm nervous.

"How are you? It's been so long since I have seen you. Didn't you have a kid a while back?" he asks, and I don't know how much I want to say. "yes, it's been years. And yeah, we had a baby girl almost two and a half years ago." Things between us didn't end badly, it was calm even though I was the one breaking it up when he wanted to keep going.

** flashback **

Things are crumbling around me these days. The world is turning on me in every way possible and I have no idea how I'm going to get out of this mess. Maybe all together this is a sigh that I'm not supposed to be in the spotlight anymore. Maybe my time has passed, and people are done with me. It scares me that this may mean I will never get to put out music anymore.

I'm in London with Tom and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I know I'm not in this the same way he is, its messy and I don't love him. A couple of days ago he let those words escape his lips and I knew in that second that this isn't going to work anymore. He is a really good guy, and he might be the perfect guy, but he isn't perfect for me. The spark isn't there like it was in the beginning. I don't even know if it was an actual spark or the trill of the whole situation.

He was an escape, a reason to leave Adam. But I never thought he would actually fall for me in that way and now I feel really bad. I've been stringing him along and letting him fall for me when I knew all along, I could never feel the same way. In many ways he was the perfect escape from Adam, and I just got out of that shit show and clung to the nearest lips because I didn't know what to do with myself. Adam constantly tried to get me back but when those pictures of us kissing in road island he stopped.

Tom is still upstairs asleep and I'm sitting in the kitchen with a coffee cup in hand trying to figure out what to do now. I can't keep this up anymore, it's no good for me or him. The summer is coming to an end, and I know it's time to say goodbye.

What doesn't help the matter, and makes me more confused, is that all along I know that I could never fall for tom because I feel dragged to another guy. The guy I've bumped into several times now and have a crush on. The first time we meet was at lily's husbands' part in LA and I found him so enchanting that I straight up made fun of him because I was drunk and didn't know what to say. The second time was at the met gala, we locked eyes across the room but didn't speak at all. After that he did a cover shoot with Gigi and asked for my number, so ever since we have been getting to know each other and playing endless games off "words with friends". I'm crushing on joe Alwyn, and I can't get him out of my head. I can never have him, I'm no good for him, but I can't help the attraction I'm feeling.

Eventually tom comes downstairs and try to kiss me, but I let him do it but don't respond. "what's wrong?" he says confused and pour himself some coffee. "We need to talk" I say softly. I need to do this today because I don't know if I can keep this up anymore.

"Sure, you know you can tell me anything" he says and sit down next to me.

"We need to... I can't do this anymore tom... we need to break up. You have more feelings for me than I have about you and that's not fair on you. Honestly I don't think I'm ready for a relationship right now, there is so much going on and I think I need to figure out this on my own. You're a fantastic guy, and I wish you could be the one, but you're not and its cruel of me to string you along further." I tell him honestly and force myself to meet his eyes.