Deviant

twenty six

"Jungkook, these are from me. I don't want your money or anything else... "

"I don't want your pity." Jungkook's eyes saddened the moment his eyes stopped in mine. "I wouldn't be able to bear that. Do not look at me with pity after what that doctor said to you about me being abused by my... " He swallowed hard before continuing,
"... because everything is a lie. And I don't want to be a pain to anyone." He said before quickly getting up from the bed.

"I just want to help you. Sometimes you have to let people help you, Jungkook. It's not about pity, it's not about feeling sorry for you, it's...."

"Because of him?"

My lips parted at that. My words stuck in my throat as we were looking at each other.

"What happened between you and... him last night? "

"Nothing." I lied.

Jungkook raised an eyebrow at that.

"If you fucked him just like the rest of those sluts did, I will start to hate you, Y/N." He bit his lip as his eyes held mine.

"No. Nothing happened, I promise."

"Please don't disappoint me. After all his body is my body, remember that. And I don't... I can't... Please don't put me in this kind of situation. I will go crazy. Just, please. I am sorry for what I have done to you. I didn't mean all of that. The only thing I could think back then was how to run far away from everyone. I am sorry I kissed you. I don't know why I did that either. Maybe I was afraid that you will scream or something. I will not disturb you anymore with my presence. I will leave now. I am so sorry again. I feel so ashamed." Jungkook turned his back on me ready to use the window which was still wide open.

"And where will you go, Jungkook? " You found yourself asking.

"Where? You don't have a house. You don't have anyone.
Outside is cold. Look at you and what you are wearing. And you have no money to buy food and clothes."

Jungkook turned his face towards you a sad smile made its way to his lips, his eyes gentle, as he was looking at you. "Maybe it's something I deserve. I will not mind if I die or anything. Actually, I would feel relieved."

Your stomach turned upside down, and inevitable tears started to make their way to your cheeks. Tears of frustration. It wasn't fair, you thought for yourself. Jungkook was in that situation because of the misfortune of being born in a family like that with such a scumbag of a father. If he can be called a father at all.

Why did he have to suffer? Why he has to be pushed away and locked up by society? Even if he killed the whole city, he was just a 14-year-old boy drugged with force by someone else after being abused and beaten. He needed help.
And you wanted to help.

You weren't living with your parents anymore. That's why you took a job. You wanted to be independent and take care of yourself. Besides, you have always wanted to leave your parents' house. They were still together, but it wasn't a very good atmosphere around them to live with. They were always fighting and you always found yourself stuck between them trying to calm things down. This until to the point you couldn't do it anymore.

Leaving and moving into this small apartment all alone, it was like you could breathe again. Sometimes your mother would come to cook something for you or stay with you for a night or two, sometimes your father would call just to make sure you are alright or if you needed something. They were good parents somehow, but they would be better alone and divorced.

"You will stay here with me. I will not let you leave anywhere." You grabbed his arm and pulled him towards your bed forcing him to sit down, your hands grabbing his slim shoulders tightly, pinning him there like you didn't want to lose him.

He let out a short laugh after waking up from his shock.
"You are such a stubborn girl after all. Do you want to die that bad?"
Jungkook bit his lip troubled and ashamed as he continued.

"I am bad. I could hurt you more than I already did. I am not good when it comes to people." Jungkook added, his body stiff as he tried to ignore the feeling of your hands on his shoulders.

"I will teach you. You will not hurt me and besides, I am a good girl. So why would you hurt me?" You grinned widely. "I will make you loosen your guard a little and stop being this cautious around me. Because I would never harm you or your heart. I want you to understand that."

Seeing you smile so happily down at him, eyes warm, Jungkook couldn't do anything but frown.

Looking at your face and exploring every inch of you with his gaze, Jungkook felt how he was falling into depression.

You were right, he knew that. He didn't have anywhere to go. He didn't have a home. Not like he ever had one. He was cold. He was hungry. He had forgotten when was the last time he had eaten something.

You saw Jungkook nodding his head slowly, his lips twisted with distaste.
Being once again aware of his powerless state and realizing how useless he was, wasn't something easy for him to admit.  Looking back at you, in your shining eyes, he knew, he knew why were you doing it. Why did you want so much to help hi?. Not because of him and who he was. Not because he was someone important. But because you were in love with his other side. And it hurt. Because it has been always impossible for him to be accepted and loved. It was always something he struggled to give up trying and just accept the painful truth. The truth that love, in any of its forms, just wasn't for him.

He felt so disgusted with himself.