THE BLACKMAILED MARRIAGE

message from underneath

All the neighbours had started talking about her, the ones who would see her green-eyed whenever she got good grades. They didn't even bother to congratulate her then, and here they were now, giving the "wisest" of guidance. Her mother would tell the tuition teacher to give her more homework, feeling that the previous work wasn't sufficient for her. Last but to the least, Comparisons! How can we forget them!

"Look at your friend there! Studying day and night! I hear her examinations are going well! I asked her marks and they are top-notch!" a voice echoed throughout the house, but our girl now had learnt how to be unbothered by these, as it was daily life shit now.

Great.

Just fracking great.

One day, the thought that she had long buried in her mind, became alive again. She announced to the whole family, that she won't attend the tuitions, by hook or by crook. Her mother, feeling that she had to do damage control, dialled up the tuition teacher, who in turn scolded our lovely girl. The fresh plant, with flowers sticking out and beautifying everything around it had transcended into a burnt up plant, awaiting to just decompose.

She was scolded by the tuition teacher on call, lectured by her mother almost every hour, but she grew used to it and studied by herself. Finally! The concepts now just unravelled themselves in front of her eyes. She was the self-studying kind of girl. Only a month was given to her for preparation, she studied her ass off.

Again, the neighbours had started talking about her. Her marks were average, but not what the parents were expecting. On the contrary, she was extremely proud of herself, regardless of what others said.

Imagine, having just a month to prepare 5 subjects, each having over 10-12 chapters, with no concept clarity all over the year, and gaining 78% in the boards.

IMAGINE!

But who understands that?

You?

me?

2% of the population?

It is the urging need for parents to understand this simple thing.

It is as simple as 2+2=4 and as smart as the Pythagorean theory.

Parents, I really want you to UNDERSTAND! Not just listen, not even think anything right now. Just absorb in what I mean to say.

I know that you want the best for your children. I was not portraying parents as the villain in the story above. But the reality is that the story was from the girl's POV. When children are pressurised by you, way more than the limit, they even start hating you sometimes. Of course, they aren't gonna say it out loud to you! I have actually seen children venting out their anger in school, due to the pressure they handle at home. After all the anger is going to escape somewhere! Especially bottled up anger.

I know that you want the best for your children and that you think that putting them under pressure, and comparing their marks with others will make them study even harder, and give them motivation, but that mantra does not work for everyone. But such does not happen and actually, it has the reverse effect. Imagine if the girl had been left by herself, asked about how she studied all these years, HER preferable manner of studying for the year, maybe she could have been saved and could shine even more. She had the potential of 100% even, but it got suppressed under the pressure. Yes, there are many students who prefer tuitions for their preparation, but at least their consent should be asked! Look at me, I haven't attended one day of tuition, and I am doing just fine people! It depends on the students. Don't let societal beliefs such as, 'going to the tuitions or classes being the symbol of studying' affect you, as they are complete bullshit in my opinion. Every kid is different, hence their mantra too is different. Some kids find tuition as a way to study while some don't need them. Just like every tongue aspires different foods, every student needs different means of studying

People have long asked me, "beta, which tuitions do you go to?"

"None."

"You study by yourself?!"

"Well, earlier my mom used to teach me, now I study myself using her tactics."

I am sure they would be thinking- "What a stupid girl! Classes are a must for 10th and 12th~!"

It is clearly visible on their faces.

My point being, every student is different, the studying tactics are different, their minds are different, their learning pace is different. Due to these differences, they themselves only know, how to study.

But that is where our education system goes wrong!

Before teaching what to study, make students learn how to study it!

Well, I have been with very fortunate people, as my teachers are great and I just depend on them to clarify concepts. If not them, youtube baba is always there. Basically, it is the job of teachers, and parents to make their children first learn HOW to study rather than What to study.

A fisherman learns how to catch fish, not about its species name, and where they come from.

Getting the point?

Let's look at other aspects.

Secondly, if Ram's father had asked Ram, as to why he was taking drugs, they would have found out that Ram was being bullied, and to be away from the pain, drugs were his medicine, and rather than hitting him, they actually could have brought a solution. But because of what happened, the poor boy landed on a hospital bed, wasting precious years of school.

I just want you to know that at some point in age, children want you to be their companion, not a parent. Yes, Punishment is a proven method of refining behaviour, but that applies to childhood, even in adolescence in some matters. But talking is necessary for all matters. Create an atmosphere, where the child can share even the grave matters freely with you.

I am no parent, but as it is said, the victim can know more about the solution, for he/she has the need. And the need is the mother of invention.

Well, I am also no victim, most of the ideas above have come from victims. I am just the messenger.

And now I want you to think.

I am not gonna say anything more, I want you to just think. And you may seek the answer yourself.

I am not sure, whether this message reaches parents or not. But if it does, I hope I have made at least one change in your perspective.

Regards,

Sumo&Muso

:)