I'm here

Fifty One

Blinking her eyes open as the sunlight peeked through the blinds in her new bedroom for however long, Kiana sighed to herself.

She sighed because it had been an effort to even keep herself awake these days, as the hours she would spend conscious, they were filled with tears and misery.

They were filled with the repetitive moment of when she pulled the trigger and ended someone's life. They were filled with the hours she spent in the police station being questioned again and again. They were spent on her worrying about what would happen to her because she got involved with Luca. And they were spent on the fear that despite everything, she'd lose Luca and she wouldn't know what to do with herself if that happened.

She was afraid that she was in this life and she didn't know if she was truly ready for it just yet. Yes, she had stayed with Luca despite everything, but everything in general happened so fast. One moment she was a therapist. A decent one at that, but she fell into a pit of a repetitive lifestyle and she wasn't able to get out of it so she turned to chaos. Chaos as in her hypersexuality - which ultimately led to her asking Luca to with her bold self to meet her in the bathroom and that was the beginning of it all.

The beginning of her life being disarrayed. A tangled mess of emotions and situations.

So, attempting to get out of the low mindset, Kiana took things slow. She went back to the basics. The little things.

That's what she enjoyed the most. The things she enjoyed even though it was something so minor. The little things being many things when she stared at the same four walls for however long. The little things like Luca's good morning kisses as she knew he liked to watch her stir in her sleep a little bit when he'd give them to her. It was feather like but she knew by now with the sound of his footsteps on the floor walking towards the bed, after his morning shower, she'd already grown accustomed to his routine - meaning that she was awake most of the time and just wanted to relish in the giddiness of her man wanting to wake her up with a kiss. And then his goodbye kisses with a little comment every time. His promise everytime that he'd come back for her. That he wouldn't leave her.

He'd be there for her - forever and always.

A voice of love

A spoken love letter.

A promise.

Looking over at the other side of the bed, Kiana found it to be empty. She'd slept through Luca's morning and goodbye kiss. She'd missed it. She'd missed it for the first time in ages. How could she miss-

Drawing her attending away from the empty side of the bed, Kiana heard a voice "Miss Kiana, I must ask - would you like your breakfast in bed or the kitchen?" The maid, who Kiana believed her name was Alice, asked at the same time she did every day - attempting to encourage Kiana to get out of bed. It was Luca's orders no doubt, and Kiana couldn't help but let a small smile slip at the thought of Luca making sure she asked everyday

Sensing the same routine that Kiana wouldn't answer and would simply turn over in her bed, Alice began to slowly exit the bedroom - to not disturb her any further when something shocking happened.

Kiana took a moment to clear her throat as she slowly sat up and said "kitchen, please"

Shocked and relieved that she had finally said something to her, Alice scurried away to the kitchen, ensuring the meal was prepped and looked good for the donna.

Getting out of bed and making a beeline to the bathroom to shower, Kiana refused to look at herself in the mirror. It was something she hadn't done in a while. It was almost as if she was afraid of her reflection. No, she was afraid of the woman staring back at her. The one who had done something unspeakable. Yes she had saved herself and Luca. But she had witnessed so much violence in such a small amount of time - she was still processing it. And that mirror, that reflection staring back at her would make it all so real and she wasn't ready for that yet