Secrets: The Blood and the Chains (Editing in Progress)

Chapter 35

"Siva, come on. Get your suit on and let's just go already!" Shawn shouts at me.

"No, Shawn! I'm not fucking stupid! There's nothing you could say that'll make me believe he's dead! Even if we put up some fake burial! He's not dead and I damn well know it!" I shout back.

"Siva! Don't talk to your mate like that! Now get up and get ready. You are going to this funeral whether you like it or not!" Da shouts at me as he grabs the back of my shirt and picks me up to make me stand instead of sit on the couch. "Go!"

 I watch the trees in the forest as we drive down the road. I know Darwin isn't dead but I still have a heavy feeling in my heart as everyone keeps insisting that he is dead and now are even taking me to his supposed funeral. But this isn't real. I know it's fake. It can't be real. Darwin is alive and I know he is. There is nothing that will tell me otherwise. I just know he's alive.

Shawn pulls into a parking lot and I look up to see we're in front of a beautiful 16th century church. I sigh as Shawn turns the car off. She looks at me.

"I'm not going in," I say.

"Siva, yes you are. This is your brothers funeral and you need to pay your respects instead of telling yourself he isn't dead. Please, Siva. Your mother and father have the kids," she argues. I sigh and look down at my shaking hands.

"He's not dead. I just know it," I whisper. She sighs.

"Just let me prove to you he is gone," she whispers back. I look at her. She has a worried look in her eyes.

"Okay."

We get out of the car and Shawn grabs my hand as we walk into the church. I spot my parents sitting on one of the benches. Lucien is sitting on my da's lap, sleeping, as Rose and Snow sit in the arms of Sean and Lai. I walk over to my da and sit next to him.

"Hey, why don't you go see him? It's open casket," Da says. I shake my head.

"No. I can't," I mumble. He gives me a look.

"And why's that?"

I quickly grab Lucien and set him on my lap. He looks up at me with a groggy look and just gives me a hug as he gets comfortable.

"I have a child on my lap," I answer. Da growls at me softly. "Fine, I'll go see. But I don't see why I have to. It's probably not even him," I mutter. I stand up and set Lucien back down in his grandda's lap. Shawn puts a hand on my back reassuringly as she grabs my hand with her other one. We walk up the isle, my heart feeling heavier with every step. Then we reach the casket and I gasp quietly as my eyes fall on the pale, cold, unmoving figure of my big brother. I just stand there with wide eyes, unsure of what to do. Why wasn't I there when he died? Why was I so selfish? Why did I trust Raphael? I'm so stupid!

My eyes sting slightly and a drop of water drips off my nose onto the collar of my brothers suit as he lay with his eyes closed, looking as if he might be sleeping.

"Siva, its o-" I brush her off as I quickly turn around, wiping the tears off my face and I quickly walk out of the chapel, not caring who's watching me. As soon as the cool air hits my skin I start running toward the tree line that surrounds the church. I just run and soon enough I find myself running on all fours. I have no idea where I'm going but running is all I can think of to try and get rid of these feelings. I can't handle this. Not again. Last time I thought my brother was dead I tried to kill myself, I can't do that again. I have a family to care for. And I have a pack to manage. I can't be alpha. I can't have all this responsibility that's been dumped on me. I need to do something to get rid of my problems. I can't just deal with it and I can't just run away.

But isn't that what I'm doing now? Running. I'm running from my problems. I have to deal with it. This was all dumped on me for a reason. I love my children and my mate but I can't handle a pack. I manage the entire Ireland. I can't handle this.

I spot a big tree that at the top reaches sun light. As soon as I spot it I run and jump on it, digging my sharp claws into it. I climb up as fast as I can and just sit at the highest branch that'll hold me. I lay down and bask in the early morning sunlight. I love the early morning. It's the best thing ever. And being so high off the ground like this makes it even more amazing. Maybe I was meant to be a bird?

'Siva, where'd you go?' I hear Da say through the mind link.

'I honestly don't know,' I reply.

'Don't worry, I found you,' he replies before I hear a stick snap.

I look down at the small clearing under the tree I'm in and see my father's black wolf walking while heaving quiet heavy breaths. He looks up at me with his silver eyes.

'What do you want?' I ask as I roll onto my stomach.

'I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You really scared your kids, you know that, right?'

'Why don't you just fuck off old man? You don't care about me so just leave me alone,' I growl at him and show my teeth for a second before I put my head back down.

'How about you come back down here and take care of your family!' he barks back.

'Because I can't handle it right now!' I snap back before jumping out of the tree. 'Why don't you try to be barely eighteen and suddenly have three kids and a pack to take care of! Why don't you try having a crazy uncle after your blood and being called special all your life and you don't even know why! Why don't you try having your family ditch you for five years of your life and make you think they were dead while they were actually living happy lives at their home! It's not fucking easy!'

'I know Siva, but it was all to protect you. I'm sorry it hasn't been easy for you but it wasn't easy for us either! I watched my mate die and try to kill my son! Darwin thought he was a murderer for years because he killed your mum! So just stop! Take a step back and look around because you're not the only one with problems!' he snaps, grabbing my ruff and shoving me onto the ground.

I growl and kick at his legs as I snap at him. I catch his ear and pull him off me. Once he's on the ground I step over him.

'You're the worst da in the world and I wish I could have stayed with the Greene's,' I snarl in his face before walking back toward the church.

I walk up to the building but stop outside and sit down. A moment later the doors are opened and some of my family is carrying the casket out of the church. They set it on a thing with wheels and wheel it to the black car they put the casket in. I keep my eyes cast down and a second later I feel a hand go on my head and pet me roughly, making my ears flop. I look up only to see a white shadow--no. A spirit. I gaze up at my big brother in awe as he smiles at me then just disappears in a white fog.

I shift back to my human form, being fully clothed, and stare at the now empty place with misty eyes. I'm pulled away from my thoughts when a small figure latches onto my leg. I look down and see Snow. I pick him up, the first tear falling from my left eye. He looks at my face, confused.

"Daddy, why are you sad?" he asks me.

"Because daddy just realized how stupid he is," I answer in a shaky voice then just hug him. He hugs me back as I silently cry.

"It's okay, Daddy. Uncle Darwin told me he'll watch you," Snow whispers in my ear. I begin sobbing as I fall to my knees, my son still in my arms. "He also said he loves you."