Girl To Girl: Vol. 2

How To Have Safer Sex If You're LGBTQ+

Hey! So, you want to have safer sex? That's great news! Everyone deserves a fulfilling sex life that's as safe as possible. Of course, safer sex isn't just about reducing the risk of passing on sexually transmitted infections (STIs), although this is a super important part of it, obviously. If you can communicate openly with your sexual partners about your boundaries and expectations, your sexual experiences will be all the more pleasurable for it, too.

But before we get into that...

What Should You Know About STIs If You're LGBT?

The first step to safer sex is learning which STIs you could be at risk of getting (and passing on).

Most sex education classes are still focused only on penis-in-vagina sex that it's no wonder so many LGBT people don't know if the kind of sex they're having comes with any STI risks.
(My best advice is: if you want to live any certain way/lifestyle, do your research for your safety and others. Secondly, just know that if you don't take precautions and steps for your own safety, most likely nobody else will, so always have safe sex. Make sure you know who you're having sex with, don't be scared to learn their past sexual history).

"People just don't think about sexual infections being transferred through manual or anal sex," says gynecologist Dr. Sarah Yamaguchi. "All STIs can be transmitted through oral, manual, and anal sex, which is why they're called STIs and not penetrative infections or vaginally transmitted infections."

In short: All types of sex between partners of both genders carry the risk of transmitting STIs like chlamydia, gonorrhea, trichomoniasis, human papillomavirus (HPV), herpes simplex virus (HSV), and HIV. This is because most STIs live in bodily fluids. And these can be transferred during any type of sex, not just penetration.

However, Indigo Stray Conger, a bisexual sex and relationship therapist, says the risk of passing on STIs is higher during anal sex than other kinds of sex. She says it's more likely for skin to be scraped, causing small abrasions "because the lining of the anus is thin."

So, how can you minimize your STI risk?

5 Steps For Safer Sex

1. Use Barrier Methods

Barrier methods of protection can be used for all types of sex. They include latex gloves (for fingering/manual sex); dental dams (thin sheets of latex or polyurethane that creates a barrier between the vulva or anus and the mouth, used for oral and rimming); and condoms (for oral and penetration), and they're great for reducing the risk of passing on STIs between sexual partners.

Handy tip: If you don't have access to dental dams, you can make your own by cutting a non-lubricated condom from top to bottom.

If you have any cuts or abrasions on your hand, Conger says using latex gloves or finger cots (basically a glove for just one finger) can significantly reduce the risk of passing on STIs.

And when it comes to anal sex, condoms or dental dams are a must for safer anal play — as in anal-safe lube, which can reduce the risk of cuts or tears. Conger says it's also important to remember that if you're having unprotected oral-to-anal sex (that's rimming, to you and i) or giving a blow job to a partner whose penis has been used in unprotected anal penetration, there's a risk of an E. coli infection for you. It's not technically an STI, but using condoms or dental dams can reduce that risk too.

2. Get Tested

While using barrier methods can reduce your risk of passing on STIs, it's still important to get tested. "Get tested regularly if you have new partners in your relationship landscape — or one of your partners does — to minimize the risk of a more serious STI going undetected," Conger explains.

Fortunately, getting an STI or sexual health test isn't a big deal. Most STIs can be tested for with a sedan offer a blood/urine test that's relatively quick and pain-free. Remember, there's nothing to be ashamed of. If it helps, remind yourself that talking openly about safer sex actually challenges myths and stigmas about it.

3. Protect Your Sex Toys

If sex toys play a part in your sexy life, Conger suggests using a barrier protection method with toys in the same way you would with all types of sex. "Put a condom on a dildo or use a dental dam over an egg vibrator," she says. And most importantly: "Never use toys both vaginally and anally, as this can cause infection."

You should also always thoroughly clean a sex toy before and after using it. "Any sex toy that's around the bodily fluid of another cold introduce infection to you," Dr. Yamaguchi says. She suggests washing your sex toys with warm water and gentle soap.
"Treat your sex toys like you would sensitive hands. Don't use harsh chemicals, since you don't want them to transfer to you and irritate your skin."

4. Talk To Your Partners...

It's no secret that communication is the key to better sex, but it's also the key to safer sex. "If you cannot trust your partner to tell you truthfully if they're with other people, then no matter how careful you are, you're still going to be exposing yourself to risk," Dr. Yamaguchi says. Finding a partner you trust — whether for a purely sexual relationship or a committed romantic relationship — will mean you can have safer (and more enjoyable) sex.

And Conger agrees. "Safe sex is knowing your boundaries and having the tools to communicate them well with a partner that you trust," she adds.

5. ... and to the experts

There are so many LGBT inclusive platforms and advocacy groups that can give you safer sex advice and support, from American Sexual Health Association for general safer sex advice to Terrence Higgins Trust, a leading HIV charity.

And Finally...

While no sex can ever be totally risk-free, taking ownership of your sexual health and communicating openly with your partners can reduce the likelihood of passing on STIs. Remember, most STIs are easily treatable if they're detected early on. So if you're enjoying an active sex life, be sure to follow these Steele and get tested regularly.