SEQUEL TO 'DANCING WITH DILEMMAS.'
New arrivals stir things up amongst the dancers at The Next Step, and with their loyalties being tested, how well will they be able to play the game?
The Next Step TV show reimagined as if it was made for the new a...
Trigger Warning- Mention of eating disorders and calories. Please prioritise your mental health over reading this chapter. I love you all <3
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Vodka. Approximately 97 calories per shot. I'll mix it with zero calorie soda to make sure I limit the amount going into my body.
It's a trick as old as time, I've been counting my calories for so long now that I don't even really need to look up the makeup of almost all of the food and drink that I consume.
Consume. It's such a horrible word. I feel like a pig just thinking of it. It's probably one of the most disgusting words in the entirety of the English language.
"Count your calories, Amanda. You won't be pretty if you get any fatter."
That sentence has been embedded in the back of my mind since the first time I heard it. My nine year old ears burned at the cruelty of Lucien's strict words, but it was what I needed to hear.
"Maybe it would be easier if you just threw it all up, you clearly can't control yourself."
12 year old me heard that and cried for a week straight. I can still feel the itchiness of the powder from the doughnut that coated my greedy lips that day, the sugary texture haunting me every time I push my fingers to the back of my throat to remove all of the waste that I've consumed that day.
There's that miserable word again.
"Ingest enough to make them think you're healthy, but never let yourself fully digest it."
A tip from the ex dance captain of Elite. She'd had much more experience on the team than I did, she'd put up with many more years of torment from Lucien. I always admired her, her uncompromising ability to stay lean whilst also convincing everyone around her that she was happy and healthy.
I knew that not a thought would pass through her mind that was unrelated to food, but that's just what being a dancer is about.
Body image is the defining factor of all dancers. If an agent perceives you as thin and attractive, you're more likely to book jobs.
That's basically the biggest rule in dance, I've heard Lucien talk about it enough to know that it must be true.
"Vodka, nice," Emily comments as her eyes dart down to the bottle I'm gripping tightly with my fingers. "I've got raspberry vodka."
I definitely won't be sampling any of that tonight. That's just wasted calories. And I won't let myself waste something so precious.
I haven't eaten all day because I know that all these liquid calories won't be good for my figure if I eat like a pig all day.
I told my mom I would get food when I went out, and she believed me. She always does. I don't even have to try anymore.
"Nice! I'll make sure to try some later," I lie convincingly, shedding a smile as I walk next to her.
