Open Case File [COMPLETED]

Shutting Out (Part 1)

"Which you turned around and did to me," Carter snapped back.

Donovan nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I did," he said. It was his time to let out a slow breath. "Because the truth of it is, I'm tired. I'm tired of constantly feeling like I have to be perfect or you'll leave me."

Perfect. Did he really think she wanted perfect?

"I don't expect that from you," she said.

"Really? Because we're having this conversation because I treated you in the manner that you treated me. This isn't the first time you've chosen to shut me out in the past two months. Or even on earlier occasions. It happens a lot. But this is the first time that I've done it back to you."

Carter knew it was true and could say nothing about it. Revealing the reason why felt too ridiculous now. Now in the light of how much it hurt Donovan.

Donovan looked at her, his eyes earnest and sad. "What do you think will happen if you keep shutting me out? This time it was because you didn't want to seem weak. The next time it will be for some other reason. But those reasons will add up until it's easier to shut me out than let me in."

"That is not true."

"Really because you shut me out simply because you were worried about what one medic would think of you. This coming from the girl who didn't give a crap about what anyone ever thought of her all the way through high school and college."

This wasn't fair.

"It wasn't one medic, it was everyone else. I didn't want the rest of the agents thinking I couldn't handle this."

"Yes, because one medic was going to gossip, because she doesn't have more important things to do? No, you knew she wouldn't, you didn't want to be weak in front of me."

Carter felt her heart pounding in her chest like she was running for her life. But Donovan spoke calmly. There was no anger in his voice, his expression was controlled, even. Maybe that's why her heart knew before her head did. If they fought it was with energy and harsh barbs. But Donovan wasn't acting that way. He appeared completely detached.

"I think," Donovan said slowly. "That because you don't want to be weak in front of me or your fellow agents that it's best if we take a break."

"What?" the word barely made it past the twisted coils of Carter's throat.

He didn't actually say that. He couldn't have. He wasn't serious.

But the way Donovan held her gaze told him he was completely serious.

"No," Carter said.

"I love you, Carter," Donovan said. "But I can't bear the burden of your past anymore. I'm not your mother, but you don't trust me. Even after all these years."

Donovan reached for the door handle and turned it.

"Don't go," Carter said. "Please, don't go."

Donovan stared at his hand. "Give me a reason to stay."

"I love you."

Donovan lift his gaze to hers, his eyes sad. "I know you do. But that's not what makes relationships last. It's about trust and at the end of the day, you don't trust me."

Right then Carter felt like her heart was going to rip from her chest. All she could see was the way Donovan's hand hadn't let go of the handle, the way his body leaned towards the door, ready to leave her. He couldn't go. He couldn't leave her. She couldn't lose him.

"Marry me!" she said.

"No. Because you're scared and you want to keep me without fully grasping why I'm leaving. You need time to figure out yourself. Goodbye, Carter."