Since I've No Place To Go - Christmas Collection (1)

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Written by TheBestRobin1

Warnings: There's angst ig but if you don't read this it means you're missing out on something real good besties. I mean it 

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It's dark. It's cold.

The wind swirls and ripples, grey pooling with light that seems to drip from the windows and pool on the floor. Avoiding me. The light is avoiding me.

Which, I suppose, is fair.

I shudder. Draw the blankets closer to myself. Nights when ice studs the sky and scorches the air, when it scrapes your throat every time you breathe, they're so much harder to stand than they used to be. I used to have Spryzen: perhaps a simple chunk of plastic and metal, but I'd always sworn there was a heartbeat; Valt, the light of my life; Daigo; Xander; Ukyo; Orochi. I had Astem; Boa; Spryzen.

It really is cold.

I did lose a lot of weight in the Pit. I was never the healthiest child, after all, and I suppose I could've eaten more often, especially being Valt's friend...

Used to be.

And it's all gone now. It's all gone.

This is useless. Thinking about everything I used to have. It's not coming back, not if I wish for a thousand years. Santa would never grant a child such as me a wish that great. If he did, I would refuse. They're better off without me. They're better off without me. I'm a stepping stone- a thing to be used and tossed aside, lest it weigh them down. What else is it good for, anyway?

I know they're with Valt right now. One elevator ride and two blocks later, and I could be with them, laughing in the almost-warmth of their bakery. Valt's father returned, I heard, for the time being. Got a break, even with all the holiday flights. It's going to be the best Christmas the Aoi family will have in a while. I won't be part of it.

Reminiscing. Regretting.

That's not what I wanted. Sulking on Christmas Eve?

Look forward, not behind you.

But I inevitably stray to the past.

Was I always meant to be a disease? Did Theodore make me one? Would I have been like this anyways?

Like this?

Destructive. Cynical. Sadistic. Cruel.

Is this my fault? That I don't even know if I'm myself or Theodore's little monster?

Am I better off as Red Eye?

Beep! Beep! Beep!

My alarm.

The one to visit Valt.

Beep! Beep!

It sounds as if it's taunting me.

It is taunting me.

Beep! Beep! BEEEEE-

The cord is the first victim, torn out of the wall with such force that the rubber is ripped apart. The plug thuds to the ground, unevenly beheaded. The cord bleeds sparks, and they snuffle out of the frigid tile.

BeEEeeEEeeBeeEE-

It's still going.

It's still fucking going.

Shut up!

The rest of the alarm clock slams to the ground, and my bare foot comes down on top of it. The cheap plastic snaps into pieces, explodes outwards. There are shards buried in my skin. Blood taints the floor pinkish. I slam the remnants against the wall, over and over and over until the mangled remains of the motherboard are dust and splinters. My breathing is uneven.

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