Forgotten (Jin X Reader)

Chapter 60

Three weeks later...

Jin POV:

"How are you feeling today Mr. Kim?"

I looked up to see Dr. Samuel Han, the doctor who had been treating me for the last three weeks coming into the room, his traditional white lab coat hanging open and his stethoscope around his neck.  I nodded in response, not exactly sure how to answer that question, never really sure what to say when someone asks me that question.  "I think... I think I am okay today."

Dr. Han smiled, the gesture polite.  "And the memories?  How are those coming along?"

My memories.  The ones that I had lost.  The ones Mina had taken away from me.  "They're..." My voice trailed off and Dr. Han nodded in understanding. 

"It's alright Mr. Kim.  You have been through quite the ordeal the last few weeks and things are going to be challenging.  It's not something that is going to right itself overnight or even over several months.  Your mind was conditioned to believe things that were categorically untrue and that is not something that is going to be easily fixed."  Dr. Han looked down at the clipboard in his hand, clearly annotating something on my chart.  "What about the nightmares?  Are you still having those?"

I nodded.  "Um... yeah.  They're not as bad and it's not... not so much with Mina anymore, but with... with Y/N."  Ducking my head down, I fiddled with the blanket covering my legs.  "I... I'm standing in front of her, the gun in my hand again.  She's begging me to not... to not kill her, but... but I do."

Dr. Han made a sound in his throat, some indiscernible one that I couldn't identify.  "There are a few reasons that could be happening.  You could be still feeling the guilt for threatening to kill her and your mind doesn't know how to process it.  You could be dealing with residual anger with everything that happened."  His analysis made sense and I nodded.  He stayed for a few more minutes, encouraging me to write down what was happening in my dreams, letting me know it might help me process it. 

Once I was left alone, I let my mind wander back to the last three weeks.  The memories had started to slowly come back once I was weaned off the medication I had been on.  Although they had been hesitant to talk about it, worried that it would affect me mentally, the doctors had told me about the clinic I had been a part of.  I had learned that the clinic I had been in was not one that was practicing safe medical practices and the drug I had been given was an experimental one designed to mess with the receptors in the brain that controlled memory.  It was why I had no recollections of Y/N and the life we shared, the life that I was now missing terribly.

Y/N.  Just thinking of her name made feelings of guilt wash over me like a wave.  The memories of her had been slowly coming back, slowly returning.  I remembered meeting her, falling in love with her, wanting to marry her.  I remembered going with Hoseok to choose a ring, a delicate pretty one that would have looked beautiful on her, would have fit her perfectly.  All of those memories were so clear and it made me wonder how I ever managed to forget in the first place.  I had hoped that after the truth came out, she would forgive me, come see me, but I had been in the hospital for three weeks but she hadn't come to see me once.  And honestly I couldn't say I blamed her.

Anytime I closed my eyes, all I saw was the look of fear on her face as I pointed the gun at her, the soft gasp of terror as I threatened to kill the little boy that was in her arms.  Every time I thought of it, I hated myself a little more each time.  And my hatred for Mina grew even more.  I knew that everything I had gone through, every tear, every nightmare, every bit of pain I had caused was due to her actions, to the things she had done and the plans she had made.  It made me sick to know that I had married the woman who had destroyed my relationship with Y/N, destroyed my relationship with the guys.