KINGSLAYER

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Antinoch shifted her weight. "I hope you will not take this as an intrusion, but I noticed you appear to be tired, not like your normal self. The difference did not appear until a few weeks ago, so the source of it cannot be only due to the Kalingi or the Czar. Are you alright?"

"I am fine. I am simply under an immense amount of pressure."

"Pressure...from the impending marriage to your childhood lover?" Though she did her best to be polite, her tone was heavy with skepticism.

"Weddings take a large level of planning. Every aspect must be perfection."

"We have planned it. I have been here with you every step of the way. It will go smoothly, and I know you are sure of it."

As it came out of her mouth, Jaylah's voice felt dangerous. "What are you getting at?"

"I just...wanted to be sure this is the decision you truly want."

Jaylah looked down at her hands to concentrate on not letting them shake. "Even if it was not, it is too late to back out now."

"You are Empress. If you wish it, it can be done."

"It cannot!" she burst out. Then calmed. "It cannot. I have loved Adrik from afar for years, so I have no reason to call off the marriage I always dreamed of."

"Are you happy with him?"

That question nearly splintered Jaylah's entire web of lies. No, no, no, no, I will never be happy unless I get everything I want, and being shackled to a husband who will only take from me is not one of those things.

"What kind of ridiculous, sentimental question is that? Of course I love him. He is all I want."

"That is not the question I asked." Antinoch's voice was a whisper.

"I have a pressure on my shoulders that you could never dream of," Jaylah hissed. "You are a servant. How can you feign to understand me?" She slammed her fist onto the desk. "You have no idea the strain that this crown puts on its wearer. Do I not deserve to have love? Am I so terrible that you cannot imagine happiness for me? Answer me, Antinoch."

"No, you are not that terrible." Antinoch's flinch and her strained posture said otherwise. "I apologize. I knew I was intruding." She ducked her head. "You are sovereign. I should have known better than to suggest anyone would have the power to sway your decision-making."

Why does nobody hear me? she wanted to scream. And at the same time: Why will nobody leave me alone?

"What would you know of love, anyway? You have no one. No one. Your own parents gave you away to the palace." Her words were like water from a burst dam. "The only person constantly around you is me, and I surely do not care for you."

"I apologize," Antinoch said again, meek as a mouse. She looked on the verge of tears, the way she often used to look. Jaylah hated that she reverted to that weakness.

Jaylah made a point of not watching her leave. The door closed nearly imperceptibly. Her eyes were so dry as she stared at the reports for several moments straight without blinking.

The plate of food was stark in her peripheral vision. With a scream that stuck in her throat, she swept the plate off her desk and it shattered on the ground.

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Jaylah put her hand over her growling stomach that night at the celebratory feast. She was not listening to any of the toasts given in her honor. She was the only thing that felt real in a room full of impostors and people that despised her, but she was growing to be an imposter herself.

Her people, though they remained close to her and their eyes crinkled with adoration when they smiled, were growing to resent her. She refused to leave Ermalai even when he publicly sided against her country in the face of mass enslavement. She looked remarkably stupid. She looked like her mother.

When she blinked, the toast was ending and everyone was raising their glasses. It had been about her and Adrik, she knew that much. All the eyes turned to her as drinks were thrust high in the air. Her breath was trapped in her throat. This was when it had to happen.

As if sensing the same inclination, Adrik put his hand on her arm and leaned in. Jaylah tried to look as though she was not drowning in regrets. It was a quick, chaste kiss for show, but a shudder still tightened her chest.

He pulled away, looking at her with feigned love in his eyes. She thought she might vomit right onto her plate. Even he had to pretend.

The night went on. Jaylah sank into her chair. Alexander had been right; Adrik was nothing compared to him.