[COMPLETED] 18+⚠️: Contains mature and sexual content // enemies to lovers
"I hate you." I repeated as I continued to walk toward her, causing her to touch the closed refrigerator with her back as she backed away. "I hate you so much that sometimes...
"Guess you didn't cheat But you're still a traitor"
- Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
****
I really fucked up. Since we got back, I've been thinking about how best to tell Ash that the guys and I as Falling are planning a diamond heist. I have to tell her, it's not fair to just keep it to myself, after all she and I are a team. And I waited way too long.
When Louis came to check on our injuries yesterday, he asked me if I had already told her and it hit me like a slap in the face. I had suppressed the topic pretty well and he had reminded me again, the time is ticking.
Besides, Ash began to notice that something was wrong with me. She knew me too well and moving the conversation around didn't solve the problem.
She's never forced me to talk about anything I didn't want to, and I'm grateful for that, but I can tell it's bothering her this time.
Why is it so hard for me to just tell her? Well, because I'm scared shitless that she will leave me as soon as I confess. I know that the robbery has nothing to do with her, that's not the problem because I don't want her to take part in it or anything, but it's her morals that I'm worried about.
Not only her morals, her whole fucking job to be exact is what worries me. Because it's her purpose in life. Since the day I met her, she has made this pretty obvious.
But things have changed, she has changed. She let me into her little world and since then has had massive difficulty separating good from evil.
Fuck, I honestly have no idea if she is willing to see past this...can you love a person so much that you completely change your morals? In the past I would have definitely said no, but now... I would drop everything for her right the fuck now if it's necessary.
But the CIA isn't just a job to Ashley, it's her livelihood. She just can't give it up that easily, because then what is left? She would have to start all over again, would she do that for a life with me?
Even if she would, do I want her to do that? I can't let her destroy her life like that, she built it all up herself and shouldn't throw it away because of a pathetic criminal like me.
A selfish part of me, however, wanted her to do it because I can't imagine my life without her and I hated myself for thinking that way. I should want what is best for her, even if that is a life without me....
I know she loves me, she really does and I love her too. That's why it was so hard when she asked me if I didn't want her anymore and that's why I'm so distant to her, that was the moment I knew I fucked up. I screwed up massively, to be exact.
