Chapter 59 - Ashley | Tonight*

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"It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one."
- George Washington

"- George Washington

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I could have just left, walked away and never turned back. Then I would have been rid of him forever. The only thing I always wanted would have come true, because he definitely would have died in the course of that day no question.

But I didn't want to.

When I took that first step towards the door, it just felt so damn wrong. It took me a moment to understand why I couldn't just walk away. It was because of him.

I wanted him to live.

After I got knocked out and woke up in a dark room, I kept wondering where Harry was. When I tried to come to terms with the idea that he had died, everything in me refused to believe it. I just didn't want to.

That's why I couldn't just leave him behind. It was not possible.

And it had nothing to do with the fact that I needed him to survive. I just wanted his company, even if he was a pain in the ass most of the time.

Harry proved to me today that we can be more than two people who hate each other's guts. We can also care about one another....

When he had his panic attack I was really worried about him as well as when he was lying on the floor unconscious. I never thought that one day I would worry about Harry Styles. And I still have no idea what all this means...

I'm always such a mess of emotions when I'm around him. And otherwise I suppress any feelings, especially if they are in danger of getting in the way of my work.

But his sudden honesty has made me be honest with him as well. The moment our eyes crossed, I knew it already...I wanted to save him instead of letting him die.

But of course I was stubborn and turned around determined to just leave. Nevertheless there is something about this man that just makes me weak. My legs turned me around as if by themselves and my hands automatically started to cut his tight bonds.

Never before could someone trigger so many different emotions in me. I feel dead inside most of the time.

But at the lightest touch of Harry my skin catches fire, my soul is touched and I have this deep tugging in my stomach which simply cannot be described.

That's why I couldn't help it and had to kiss him again.

He got under my skin and the last barrier that locked me away from him fell tonight. I'm tired of telling myself that I don't want him.

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