Saviors ; 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘥

041. ꕥ Our Tragic Backstory

John took a deep breath in before he replied. "I... tried to hang him."

The words were like a hard punch to the gut. I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting something terrible but nothing of that caliber. There was already a bottomless pit in my stomach, and that just deepened the hole in both my stomach and heart.

Hanging. The same thing that happened to John. John tried to do that to Bellamy; he wanted to hang him.

I stayed silent, staring blankly at John. I didn't know what to say. What do you say when your brother confesses to attempting to murder someone you love?

Swallowing a lump in my throat, I struggled to push back the tears that were threatening to spill. "Well, you did a horrible job." I almost laughed out through a broken voice. "Bellamy was alive. That is until the rockets fired. He was still out there. He's dead now, so I guess it didn't really matter what you did. Bellamy still died." My attempts to hold back tears weren't working anymore, and quiet sobs started to leave my mouth. There was a river of tears coming out of my eyes. I couldn't fight back anymore. I just couldn't.

Finally, I took my eyes off John. He had sympathy in his eyes. I didn't want it. I know that compassion was for me, and I didn't care.

I stayed there, frozen, staring at the ceiling of the Dropship. Tears still spilling out of my eyes; I had no control at this point; I couldn't stop them. And there's no need to now.

I couldn't explain what I was feeling. It was a mixture of sadness, heartbreak, and loneliness. My stomach hurt in ways I couldn't quite fathom, but that could also be the bullet in my leg talking. There was more pain than the bullet. More pain than I ever thought possible, and... I hate it. I hate feeling this way, feeling so weak and helpless and vulnerable. I was always the 'twin,' the girl so fragile that I could break at a moment's notice. But in a way... I guess that is true. What was I doing now? I was breaking.

"How'd you get to be such a dick, Murphy?" My thoughts are interrupted by Raven. To be honest, I forgot she was there for a minute. I know that sounds horrible, but it's true. I realize Raven just watched whatever just happened unfold. Again, I don't really care.

John turned his eyes off me and towards Raven. "I'm sorry for shooting you. Okay? Is that what you want to hear?"

"Let me guess, Mommy and Daddy didn't love you as much." Raven's eyes flickered towards me, and I sent her a glare, not quite sure what she was getting at.

"No, they loved me." John's eyes were now off Raven and back on me, and I met his gaze. I could see more tears starting to well up in John's eyes, but none fell.

Raven almost scoffed. "Are you gonna cry, Murphy?"

"Screw you, Raven." John replied. I could hear his voice break, but any bit of sadness in his eyes was gone now.

"No, tell me." Raven urged. "I want to know. How does a kid who's loved by his parents, someone who has a loving twin sister, turn into a murdering psychopath?"

This was where I drew the line. I get Raven was upset — I do, but she can't call my brother a psychopath. I don't care what he's done, that's not who he is, and I know that for a fact.

"Raven—" I started, but I was quickly cut off by John.

"No. No, Jo, it's okay." I could see John's jaw clench before he looked down at me. Slowly, I nod at John giving him the 'okay' to tell Raven.
John turned his gaze toward the middle of the floor. His eyes stayed locked on it, not looking at Raven or me. I took a deep breath in readying myself to relive what happened. John's voice was quiet as he started. "He gets the flu."

This time I could hear Raven actually scoff. I held back the urge to fire something back. She had no right to demean what happened to us.

John either didn't hear her or ignored it because he just continued. "Ended up giving it to his sister. Their Father steals medicine, that turns out wouldn't have helped anyway. Gets floated for it. Jo almost gets caught because of this. And, uh, their Mother, she starts drinking pretty heavily after that." I let out another sigh as I thought about what had happened. That has to be one of the worst times of my life. It was the worst, that was until I came to the ground. "Last words she says to him before he finds her in a pool of her own vomit, with his sister curled up in the corner sobbing is that... Is that he killed his father." John finishes. Weakly, I lifted my hand to wipe the few tears that escaped from my eye before lifting my head to look at Raven, whose expression hadn't changed.

"Boo-hoo." She whispered in a cold voice as her eyes shifted from John to me. I didn't have the strength to say anything, to oppose what Raven said.

Taking my eyes off her, my eyes drift back toward the middle of the Dropship. I turned on my side when I felt a stray tear land on my nose, but it wasn't mine. I look up to see John with another stray tear traveling down his cheek. I tried to give him as much of a sympathetic smile I could muster and mouthed, "I'm sorry."

Our parents have always been a sensitive subject, especially for John. He feels like it's his fault. That he's the reason our parents are dead. I try to convince him that it's not, but he doesn't listen. He still blames himself. John believes that if he never got sick, then both of our parents would still be alive and that we would still be happy. I've always told him that getting sick is something he can't control and that he couldn't stop our Father from stealing medicine. Dad was going to do that no matter what; he was determined to help us and do whatever it took. And he died for that.