041. ꕥ Our Tragic Backstory

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We were dying

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We were dying.

There was no denying it. The three of us were going to die in the Dropship.

Was this the place where I wanted to die? No. Nobody ever gets to pick where they want to die. It's a place where something happens. It was as simple as that. The Dropship is the place where I'm going to die. It was going to be the place where my brother and Raven died.

I never thought my story would end in the Dropship, let alone on the ground. I guess I thought my story would end on the Ark. When I turned eighteen, I would be floated for the crime of being born. Let's be honest; that sounded like a really sucky ending.

But is this ending any better? — Slowly bleeding out on the Dropship floor? It's just as much of a sucky ending as getting floated for being born.

On the bright side — if there even were one — I would die by my brother's side. I would die in the presence of the Raven Reyes. (I think it's still amazing I got to meet her)

Resting my head on my brother's lap, I let out a shaky sigh. I was looking for any comfort, and laying my head on John's lap was the best I could get. I needed something familiar to be around. My body faced toward the middle of the Dropship. Raven laid in front of us, leaning against the big jug we used to carry Monty's moonshine in. Her coughing and gasping had stopped a while ago. It's been silent since, with no one wanting to say anything.

"John?" I weakly called, shattering the silence like glass. My voice was hoarse and scratchy. I didn't move my eyes off the middle; I just stayed staring out.

"Yeah?" John answered just as weakly.

"Why?"

It was a simple question at the first mention of it. But both John and I knew there was more profound meaning to it. A sense of, 'why did you try to kill Bellamy', just in one word. I wanted to know. I wanted to know what provoked my brother to attempt to take Bellamy's life. Still, I didn't know what exactly happened; I just knew that John tried to kill Bellamy. And I wanted to know why. Why my brother would do it, I had my theories, but I wanted to know the truth. I didn't want to keep making up different scenarios in my head. I needed to know what happened and why it did.

"Why what?" John answered. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. He knew exactly what I was talking about, but he decided to play dumb. Okay, I see how it is.

I shifted in John's lap to look directly up at him. "Why did you try to murder Bellamy?" My question was blunter than I first intended on it being. I still kept my eyes on John's, waiting for a response.

John slowly shook his head, refusing to make eye contact with me. "I — I wanted him to know the pain he caused. I wanted him to feel what I felt."

My blank face turned downward into a frown. "What does that mean? What did you do to him?" When I saw Bellamy, he wasn't majorly hurt, so I knew John didn't harm him too severely, but I knew something had happened.

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