WANT (completed)

ch. 65 | Big Brothers

CASSANDRA'S POV

Thank science for anti-anxiety medication. I honestly don't think that I would have survived this conversation with Zac without it. Thanks to the annoying little IV that's been inserted into the back of my hand and is allowing the sweet drugs to pump into my body, I think that I'm able to manage.

That combined with the conversation that I just had with Asa. He always seems to know exactly what to say to calm me down. Plus, I'm not the same girl that I was four years ago. I'm stronger now. I know I'll survive this.

Zac's hesitant when he approaches my bed, but I think I've gotten a bit more gutsy than ever. Instead of hiding because of my fears, I've decided to finally stand my ground.

"Come here," I say softly, rolling my head to the side to observe him approach me with his hands in his pockets. I wiggle my fingers out, flinching a bit because the IV that's inserted into the back of my hand aches, but hold my hand out to him anyways. "Before you say anything, I want to you to know that I don't care."

Zac frowns a bit, taking my hand gently and brushing his hand upwards to my wrist, caressing my skin with his thumb. He's avoiding the IV, probably because he knows it will cause my discomfort, and as usual, he can't bare the thought of something hurting me.

He's always been like that. A bit of a protector. He always has to be the one protecting, and protecting me at that. Whether it be boys in school, or other girls, or even things that were out of either of our control, Zac always refused to let me get hurt.

Yet, he's the reason I'm here, right?

Wrong. I know he must feel that way, which is exactly why I wanted to speak first.

"Cassandra, I'm so sorry. I can explain everything to you, just hear—"

"No," I shake my head at him, placing my other hand over his and squeezing it against my arm. "Don't. Don't try to apologize for something that isn't your fault. I know you. I know you're going to say that you're sorry that I got hurt, but Zac, it's not your fault. It's not your fault that mom had an affair, or that dad cut me out of his life because he couldn't handle that I wasn't his."

Zac's mouth opens, but I shake my head at him again, wanting to speak before letting him explain anything at all.

"I'm not five years old anymore, Zac. You can't protect me from the truth. And it's the truth. The only thing that you should have done was tell me the truth when you found out. The only person that you should have protected me from was Ethan. But that's not really your fault either. You couldn't have known that he would threaten me, or that he would say such things to me and that I would react in this way. So please don't apologize for this," I choke out, feeling tears well up in my eyes.

I know I blamed him when I stormed into his office, but hasn't Zac always been the one protecting me? I hate myself for even thinking to put the blame on him.

"You're right. But you're also wrong, Cas. It's my job to protect you, and I wanted nothing more than to protect you from mom's affair. It would have hurt you to find out when I did after she passed, especially because of how much you idolized her. I couldn't bare the thought that the one person that kept you going would bring you down. So I figured that it was easier to make you hate me than hate her. But you're so right, I should have never have let it get this far," he chokes out, tears in his eyes.

My own tears have flooded my eyes, threatening to fall, but I don't want to cry. I want to move forward from all of this.

"Zac, I forgive you. But you have to promise me something, okay? You have to promise to tell me everything, when I'm ready to hear it, and you have to promise to be there when I need you. When we need you," I move his hand to my little baby bump. "Because you're my only family."

"Don't even get me started on this, Cas," Zac laughs through his tears, shaking his head at me. "You don't have to ask me that. Of course I'll be there for you. For both of you. I just wish...I wish you didn't feel like you had to keep this a secret from me. I know that I haven't exactly been supportive of you recently, but it's not because I'm not happy for you. Because I am, I just...I want you to be safe. And loved, and happy. Because you really deserve all of that. I just don't trust people when it comes to you."

It's my turn to laugh through my tears, because that's totally my own fault. I'm always the one who's been too trusting of people, and it's seemed to have bitten me straight in the ass way too many times to count.

"Yeah, I guess one of us has to be that way, right?" I choke out as he swipes my tears off of my cheeks with his thumbs.

"You are happy, right? Because I swear, Cassandra, if by any means Asa—"

"Yes. I'm so happy, Zac. He loves me, and I love him. And I'm so excited about this baby. The only thing that could make me happier is if you were a part of all of this," I smile at him, giving him my sweet puppy dog eyes. I've managed to get my way with this look so many times in the past, and I think I'm going to have to milk it with the remaining times I can use the look before this baby comes, because I already know that he or she will have everyone wrapped around their finger and that it won't be me anymore.

"I already told you. You don't have to ask me that, Cassie. I'll always be here, for both of you," he presses a soft kiss to my forehead, just as I go in to pull him into an awkward hug. Because of how I'm propped against the pillow on the bed and his seemingly tall height, it's a weird embrace, but I'm in happy tears, a combination of the anti-anxiety drugs that have me slightly buzzing and my pregnancy hormones coming alive.

"Good. I expect many presents for both of us. All the freaking time!"

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a/n: I wrote this so many times, but in the end — I wanted it to be cute and simple and sweet. If you feel like there's any confusion - please lmk! only a few more chapters left :) I'll have bonus chapters too, and lot of more content coming with resist — which is a spin-off of this book! go add it to your libraries :)