WANT (completed)

ch. 22 | Honesty

ASA'S POV

"So do these have meanings?" Cassandra asks, her soft fingers swirling over the ink on my arm. She has a small smile on her face, and she's glowing in the sunlight that's peaking through the window.

"My tattoos? Some of them do, yeah," I answer her, smiling at her smile. Seeing her happy makes me feel so good inside, especially after last night. I thought I was going to lose her, which was why I refused to let her walk out that door.

"Will you tell me all about them someday?" Cassandra looks up to me with her big brown eyes. How can I say no to that, Cassandra? I chuckle a bit, giving her forehead a kiss.

"Of course," I murmur, running my fingers up and down her bare back. She's laying on her stomach, her head resting on her arms that are folded across a pillow. I could so get used to seeing her wake up in my bed every morning.

"Where did you go that night?" she finally asks the one question that I was scared to answer. I want to tell her everything, but I know I'm not ready to tell her just yet. But she deserves an explanation.

I take a deep breath, adjusting myself so that I'm sitting up against the headboard. My head leans back, so I'm staring up at the ceiling.

"I went to check in on a friend. She recently lost someone close to her and she has a history of alcoholism," I say softly, keeping my hand on her back. I feel her move underneath my touch, but I turn to don't look at her. "I'm one of the only people who knows what she's going through and I just...it wouldn't feel right if I wasn't there for her."

It's quiet between us, and oddly, I don't mind. I would rather Cassandra not say anything than yell at me for being a jackass and leaving her that night to be with another woman.

I feel her hand on my chest, and she's suddenly snuggling into me. A small smile appears on my lips as I lift my arm and wrap it around her shoulders, pulling her against me.

"Thank you for telling me," she says, and I rest my chin on the top of her head. Her hair still smells of my shampoo that she used yesterday, and I love it. "I'm glad you were being a good friend. I would have done the same for Cam."

I close my eyes, trying to hold back from saying anything about Camara. I clear my throat a bit, rubbing Cassandra's back as I close my eyes, putting my head back against the headboard once again.

"Hey Cas? Yesterday, you said that...you said your ex blamed you for him cheating, what did you mean?" I ask her after a few moments of silence. As much as I didn't want to bring him up again, it was constantly on my mind since she told me. What does that even mean? How can someone blame someone else for their faults? "If you don't want to tell me, it's okay."

I feel her take a deep breath, and I hold her closer to me, trying to be supportive as possible. This was all fairly new to me. The last time I was in a relationship, or something this serious, was years ago, and even then, I was still young at the time.

"He said that it was my fault because I wouldn't have sex with him," she mumbles, and I sigh, gently putting my fingers under her chin, looking into her eyes. The minute I look into them, I realize that this is still causing her pain. I wonder how long ago this was because if she's been hurting like this for years due to him, I would definitely beat the crap out of him. He's already getting a fist from me if he ever gets in my way.

I don't say anything to her, simply because I don't have to. No reason that she could have given would have made it acceptable for him to treat her like that. I give her a small kiss on her soft lips before returning my arms around her and pulling her into my lap.

Silence takes over once again, and once more, I don't mind. I close my eyes and hold her, thinking of how I could do this for the rest of my life. She's perfect. I've known that since the moment I met her.

"You were my first," she whispers faintly. Her voice is so quiet that I nearly don't hear her. My eyebrows furrow a bit, a little confused by what she was saying. I was her first? Her first what?

Oh shit.

"What?" I lift my head, needing her to tell me what I already know. I don't know how to feel. I'm happy, but I also feel a bit fucked up, because if she's saying what I think she's saying, I'm going to be disappointed in myself for not having realized.

She turns her head a little, looking at me nervously. I swallow, tucking her hair behind her ear so I can see her beautiful face. "My first time was with you," she says, a little more confidently than before.

Oh.

She did mean what I thought she meant.

I close my eyes a bit, leaning my forehead against the side of her head. "I'm a jerk," I say, laughing nervously because I don't know how to react. "I should've known. If I had, I wouldn't hav-"

"Please don't say it," Cassandra cuts me off, covering my mouth with her hand, shutting me up mind sentence. "I didn't want you to know."

I take a deep breath, lifting her hand off of my mouth with my hand, holding it in her lap. "If I had known, I would've made sure that it was-"

"Asa, I didn't tell you because it didn't matter. I didn't want you to know because it would've changed things. You wouldn't have had sex with me," she admits, moving her hand from mine and cupping my face.

I smile a bit, mostly because she really does think the best of me. "Maybe, or I would've just been more...gentle. You really underestimate my self-control around you," I chuckle, pecking her lips softly.

Cassandra blushes, ducking her face into my chest and I start laughing, shaking my head as I hug her tight. She's so cute. I love that she can go from being so confident with me to being shy seconds later.

"Thank you for letting me be your first," I tell her, giving her small kisses from her cheek to her neck. Part of me felt glad about it, simply because I was going to make sure I was her last too. Her one and only.

"Cas? One last question," I bite down on my lower lip as soon as the words leave my lips. I don't think I've ever been nervous before, but right now, I'm fucking nervous to ask her the question.

"Hmm?"

"Be my girlfriend?" I ask, mentally smacking myself across the head. I sound like a fucking love-struck teenager, not a twenty-seven year old man that I am.

Cassandra doesn't say anything, and I have a feeling that she's going to fight me on it, or flat out reject me. As much as I want to fight back, I don't think I should if she does, simply because I'm asking so much more of her than she initially agreed to.

"One condition?" she's suddenly asking me, and my hands gently pull her back away from me, so I can look at her face. I know I have a stupid grin on my face, because if I agree to her condition, then that means she's actually mine. Only mine.

I could care less what her condition is. I'll say yes to anything she wants right now, or ever. Hell, she can say she doesn't want to have sex with me ever again, and I'll still say yes.

"Please don't lie to me. I don't want to get hurt, and the only way that I won't is if you're always honest with me," she says, looking down and away from my gaze, fumbling with her fingers as her hands fall into her lap.

I don't even think about it twice.

"I won't. But I want you to be honest with me too. If you're hurting or need something, just tell me. I feel like I've known you for my whole life, but I'm also not a mind-reader," I ask of her. I want to make her the happiest woman alive, and the only way I can do that is if I know what she's feeling.

Cassandra looks up at me, and she's smiling. I smile back at her, showing off my teeth. Immediately her arms wrap around my neck, and she's suddenly planting a huge kiss on my lips.

It's a perfect moment. If I could stay here like this with her forever, I would, but as we all know, perfect moments don't last forever.