WANT (completed)

ch. 50 | Facing Our Fears

ASA'S POV

I watched as Cassandra disappeared down the hallway holding hands with Andrew, followed by the thud of their steps up the wooden staircase. She had given me a reassuring smile before leaving me alone, trying to encourage me to make my amends with my mom. I don't know if I'm ready yet, but I guess I have to at least try.

Things were so complicated with our relationship. I loved her, of course. She's my mom, and at the end of the day, things could have been worse. But when I went to college and things between my brother and I became complicated, so did my relationship with my parents. Andrew and I couldn't be in the same room for more than five minutes without ripping at each other, verbally for the most part. I was angry that he had gone after my best friend, and mostly because he did it from me.

Lauren didn't have the same obligations to me as he did. Andrew was my best friend since birth, my older brother, and the one person that I always looked up to, and things got kind of fucked up. And mom hated it. It killed her that we weren't talking and getting along anymore, and that killed me to see her so hurt, but I was always too stubborn to fix it.

And then when Andrew died, I didn't know how to be there for her, and she didn't know how to be there for me. So we just didn't. I focused my attention on Andrea, who was a senior in high school, and mom kinda was just there, a complicated mix between depressed and lost. And I put a lot of blame on her for it. In my mind, she should have been there for us, picking up the pieces to our broken family, but she wasn't, and in fact, she drove dad away and not too soon after, he passed from a heart attack.

Slowly turning towards my mom, who was keeping herself busy in the kitchen and finishing setting the table, I cleared my throat. Immediately, she looked up, her hazel eyes meeting my own. We looked so alike. Of my two siblings, I looked the most like her, with my height and build the only things I got from my father.

"I'm glad you decided to come," she said softly, brushing her hands over the apron she was wearing as she went to pick up a pitcher of lemonade and place it on the table. I followed behind her, taking it from her hands and doing it myself.

"Yeah, me too. It's good to see you, mom," I responded, not really sure of what else to say. I never had an issue talking; not with Lauren, or Cassandra, or with anyone I was working with, but mom? I had no clue where to start.

"I'm sorry, I know this is probably weird for you. Lauren should be here soon," she muttered under her breath, almost as if she didn't want me to hear. I placed the pitcher onto the table, taking a deep breath before facing her again.

"It's fine, mom. Really. It's not that weird...I just...you know. I don't really know what to talk about," I admit, slightly unnerved by my own words. But at least I'm telling the truth, right?

"We can talk about Cassandra, maybe? I like her a lot, Asa. She's sweet. I was kind of nervous. I know her family owns that company you just bought into. I thought maybe she wouldn't...I was afraid that she wouldn't be into the whole family thing, or maybe that she would be...like another one of those city girls, but really, she's perfect for you," her words are hesitant, likely because she doesn't want to say the wrong thing, but I can tell by the sparkle in her eyes and the small smile on her face that she's being genuine.

"I know," I can't help but smile, nodding mindlessly. Of course Cassandra is perfect for me. I think she's perfect in general, and maybe too perfect for me, but I'll be selfish in that part and keep her for myself. "I'm glad that you two are getting along, but I didn't think for a second that you wouldn't."

Mom laughs softly, shaking her head slightly before undoing her apron and setting it to the side. She's standing on the opposite side of the island now, and I'm glad that she's not smothering me. I'm not a big fan of that, and she knows that.