WANT (completed)

ch. 33 | Surprise, Surprise

CASSANDRA'S POV

Change.

It happens tonight.

Everything changes.

The way Asa's looking at me right now as he pulls his sweater off over his head, tossing it to the side as he comes over me on my bed, is so different from the way he's been looking at me these past few weeks.

I'm nervous as hell. Because I'm looking at him the same way, neither one of our eyes leaving the other's as our hands run across the warm skin of each other's bodies. Normally, my hands are freezing, but right now, they are warm and clammy because of the amount of heat that my entire body is giving off in response to his.

The words are at the tip of my tongue and I have to swallow them down each time my lips part to meet his soft kisses. Those words that would change everything about our relationship.

You know. Three words. Eight Letters. They're right there. On the tip of my tongue.

I'm not sure if, like me, Asa's scared, or if he's not saying the three words that would change our relationship from here on out to protect me, but I'm kind of glad that the words haven't spilled from either of us. Maybe he doesn't feel what I feel?

I doubt it. His heart is racing under my palm, his gaze locked firmly to my own. But how can he love me? I don't understand. Asa has been nothing but good to me, but what have I given him?

It doesn't matter though, because we both feel it. And in this moment, I don't care anymore. I need him. Every touch is like fire. Every second our eyes are locked with the other's pulling us deeper into the pit that I fear. I see it in his eyes.

Both of our clothes are peeled off, rapidly. They end up on the floor, I think. Who knows? Asa's lips are warm against my own, his tongue working it's way against mine. He lowers his body to meet mine, and I arch my back as I feel his tip at my entrance, my body begging him to take me.

Asa gently pushes into me, gentle and slow, without breaking eye contact with me. It felt so different than every other time we had done this. But it's because we hadn't done this before. We're making love.

It's the most intense thing I have ever experienced and I wouldn't change it for anything. It seems like Asa was just as into it as myself, considering we went twice more right after.

- - -

My eyes are shut as my head rests against Asa's firm chest, his fingers threading through my knotted long locks. Neither Asa nor I speak, and the silence that now fills the room is engulfing both of us.

I want to say something, but I don't know what to say. I've never experienced something like this before. My whole heart belongs to him, and I think Asa knows that. I feel like I have his too. I'm terrified to know for sure though, because what if he doesn't?

I'm so conflicted. Every part of me, excluding my heart, is telling me this isn't real. How could it be? After all this time, with everything that I went through with not just Ethan, but my brother and my parents, Caden, and even Camara, how can I find love so easily?

Shouldn't love be hard? Crazy? Every book I've ever read has told me this is the case. But maybe not for us. Maybe Asa and I are different.

I'm fighting back a sudden urge to yack as I begin to think of all the red flags. I can't help myself. The lie that Asa told, thinking he was protecting me, should have been a game changer. I should have ended our relationship then. I would have, but my heart made me stay. The minute I realized that Lauren and Asa have some kind of history, I should have asked about it. I still can't get the stupid tattoo out of my mind. It doesn't help at all that it's right there on his chest, taunting me every time we're in bed together.