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you stared at the gleaming light shining in the room while you sat up, wrapped up in the blanket, deep in your thoughts.
you didn't regret last night.
but you did regret all those things before last night.
all the things you said to bucky, all the cocaine you did, your childhood, everything. you felt sick to your stomach. but at the same time, you knew you had to change. you couldn't be a new person, there is no way to start over, but you can change now. you can look back at your past and start working for the future. you picked at your nails, nervous.
when you woke up, you noticed bucky was gone. you looked at the counter where a sticky note was placed. bucky basically spelled out that he had to get something from the store, and he'll be right back. you took a big sigh of relief and even chuckled when you saw he drew a smiley face at the end of the message. but that didn't ease your comfort. you were scared to encounter bucky and tell him all this.
nervous to finally own your faults.
but who wouldn't be afraid? after years of convincing yourself. that you needed this, and it was good for you.
you finally have fallen into that hole you dug yourself and stayed there willing, knowing there was no way out, but you felt comfortable in that fact.
but when a new factor came into your life and built steps to get you out of that hole, you were afraid to fall back inside. afraid to even look at the hole ever again. even if you did fall back inside, those steps still were present.
even if splintering and weak, they still held you up.
you snapped out of your thoughts as you heard keys jangle and steps be taken outside of this room. bucky swung the door, his hair was put backed, you saw how his hair was grown back some length, and it looked subtle but nice. he was fully dressed in a tight-knit shirt hugging his muscle and some basic blue-washed jeans. in his hands was a bag from the market and a chilled glass of water in the other.
