The Forgotten Goddess

It's Been a Year

TW: sadness, death, choking, and more sadness 

She was always there to pick him back up, he needed to do the same for her.

3rd Person POV (Alexandrya)

It had been a year. One whole year of torture and anguish for the two of them. They had finally deemed Bucky ready to go on missions. Today was his first. She heard from the guards about it. The Winter Soldier successfully completed his mission. Alexandrya remembered how heartbreaking her first mission was, and she was ready to comfort him. But when he entered the cell covered in blood, it's needless to say she was scared for him. 

Bucky slowly turned to her, a murderous look in his eyes. He started to slowly walk towards her. She didn't move, she didn't want to scare him. She could tell he was still under their control. She should have moved. Within seconds, his metal arm was around her throat. (A/N: She still has the collar on, but it sits on the lower half of her neck if that makes sense. It's more like a metal choker if you know what I mean.)

"Почему ты здесь" (Why are you here?) Her eyes widened. Her Russian was rusty, but she could speak. As she opened her mouth, his grip on her throat tightened.

"Я не давал вам разрешения говорить. Вы на моем пути, я приказываю убивать всех, кто встанет у меня на пути." (I did not give you permission to speak. You are in my way, my orders are to kill anyone who gets in my way.) The grip on her throat was unbearably tight. She couldn't breathe. Shakily, she touched her fingertips to his temple. She quickly returned his memories as best as she could and tried to get her Bucky back. Her healing was sloppy but efficient. 

She watched as his eyes turned back to their stormy blue, and she watched as they filled with horror at the sight of his hand around her throat. He immediately released her and she fell to the ground, gasping for air.

"Doll? Nononono. I'm so sorry." Tears were running down his face. How could I let this happen? Bucky was furious with himself. He reached forwards, but quickly retracted his hand when she flinched.

"¿Muñeca?" (Doll?) He whispered, not wanting to scare her anymore. Alexandrya looked up. Spanish was a language she was fluent in. It was very similar to the Elven language her father would often speak to her in, so when Doctor had her learning Spanish, she picked up fast.

"¿Estás bien? Lo siento mucho. Por favor, esté bien. Perdóname, por favor. Lo siento." (Are you okay? I'm so so sorry. Please be okay. Please forgive me. I'm sorry.) He didn't want her to be scared of him. He knew he messed up.

"Estaré bien, no te preocupes." (I'll be okay, don't worry.) She gave him a small smile and gently wiped the tears from his face. He responded by pulling her close to him and whispering "Lo siento." (I'm sorry) over and over again. 

They stayed there for hours. They separated when the door opened. A guard threw food into the cell and left without saying another word. Alexandrya found that she had no appetite. Sneakily, she slipped her food onto Bucky's plate.

"Doll, you need to eat," Bucky said after catching her putting her piece of bread with his.

"Estoy comiendo. Simplemente no quería eso." (I am eating. I just didn't want that) Half lie.

Sighing, Bucky decided not to argue. Looking at her, his eyes kept drifting to the ring of bruises now circling her throat.

"Tengo sueña. Voy a dormir. Buenos noches, Bucky." (I'm tired. I'm going to sleep. Good night, Bucky.) Giving him one last look over her shoulder, she said,

"No estoy enojado contigo. No fue tu culpa." (I am not mad at you. It wasn't your fault.) And she curled up on the mattress, leaving plenty of space for Bucky if he should want to join her.

Bucky sat there for a while, wondering why she was still speaking Spanish, he wasn't judging her of course, after all, there were days that he'd just speak Russian, but he was curious. His mind also kept drifting to the bruises on her neck. She said it wasn't his fault, but it was his hand that was wrapped around her throat. He'll never forget the fear in her eyes. The fear of him. He was ashamed of himself. 

When he looked back over at her sleeping form, he smiled as he saw she had left room for him to lay with her. Alexandrya had done this not only because she was used to it, but also because it showed that she wasn't scared of him. She knew that she was the most defenseless in her sleep, and she trusted him to be close to her in that state. 

Smiling, he whispered "Goodnight, silly elf." and climbed in bed next to her. 

Even in her sleep, Alexandrya knew where she could find safety. Almost immediately after Bucky lay next to her, Alexandrya cuddled into him. This movement caused her shirt to slip slightly exposing the brand on her shoulder. Frowning, Bucky lightly traced his finger over it. 

"Я вытащу нас отсюда, куколка. Я обещаю." (I'll get us out of here, doll. I promise.) He whispered before closing his eyes and letting sleep claim him.

~A little later~

Alexandrya almost didn't hear the quiet sobs, but she noticed the lack of a Bucky next to her. Looking around, she saw him sitting by the far wall of the cell, crying. Standing up, she walked over to him. Sitting down a foot away from him, giving him his space, she spoke up softly

"What's wrong, Bucky?" He said nothing, all he did was press himself further into his arms and closer to the wall. Understanding, she spoke again

"You don't have to tell me what's wrong. You don't have to. Just know I'm here to listen." She sat there for a couple more minutes waiting for him to speak but respecting his decision not to.

"I killed them." She could barely hear it, but when she registered what he said, understanding hit her clear as day.

"No, Bucky, HYDRA killed them. Not you." 

"It was my hands. It was me." He sounded so broken. She knew how he felt. After her first mission, before Bucky arrived, she was a wreck. She was peaceful and hated taking lives. When she had stabbed that man, she couldn't get his eyes out of her head for weeks. She still remembered every person. The way the light left their eyes. The feel of the blood on her hands. The terror. The pain.

She couldn't tell Bucky that it got better, that would be a lie. She couldn't say it went away, lie. All she could do was offer to listen. So she did. She listened as he told her. He felt terrible. She knew the feeling. He felt like a monster. So did she. She let him talk for hours. She let him continue even when it stopped making sense. She didn't stop him. Once he stopped, she just sat there with him. Neither spoke, neither moved. They just sat there.

The door clanged open suddenly. They didn't move. They just stayed silent.

Bucky watched, unable to do anything for fear of giving her healings away, as Alexandrya was roughly picked up and carried out of the cell. Leaving him alone.

Alone. Alone. He was alone. He missed Steve. He missed home. He was alone.

A/N: There's Chapter 11! Sorry that this one's so sad. I actually really like it personally though. 

I don't have a lot else to say for this chapter. Hope you enjoyed it!

FYI, the translations may not be spot-on.

Good morning, afternoon, evening, night!