KINGSLAYER

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Jaylah's smile faded when she thought of facing him again. What would he say? She would never in a thousand lifetimes admit that she regretted the way they turned out. That some part of her wished the rumors were true. They slept so many nights in tiny rooms with beds less than a meter apart. How many times had she looked over at him just before they turned the lights out, debating whether she should reach out, ask him if he wanted her, rid themselves of the crackling tension if only for one night?

But it was stupid to even imagine now. She was going to be married to another man. Alexander was here to destroy her. Where they were concerned, there was no future to be had.

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"You'd better have a good explanation for the sheer amount of men who've clapped me on the back today," was the first thing out of Alexander's mouth when she approached them in their usual spot.

"Ermalai knows that I want information from you and is doing everything short of killing me to ensure I do not get it. That is all it is." Her lip curled. "Everyone has been talking about me behind my back."

"Yeah, well. That's what you get for fucking below your social status."

"No." He misunderstood. "They clap you on the back for the same deed that gets me compared to a prostitute."

Thus was her dilemma: continue to do as she pleased with him as her friend and she was not respected, but acting demure to fight the allegations was subscribing to their standards and proving that being a whore was the worst thing to be. Either way, she was losing because that was what the system was built for.

"If it makes you feel any better, I denied them all. I know you have it much harder. But I don't want to be perceived as a sexual object either."

Jaylah nearly raised her brows; that was not what she expected him to say. How unlike him to have not brushed it off as a joke.

There was a quiet that went on for a beat too long, and it made Jaylah's thoughts return to her earlier revaluations about him. She was just about to open her mouth to change the subject, when he said, "I haven't seen you walking around with your old tutor anymore. Klymene was her name?"

"She had to travel south for a sudden family emergency. I am not sure when she will return, though I hope it will be soon."

Though his face had not changed, Alexander's tone became even more casual. "You got rid of her, didn't you?"

He was catching on faster than she expected. Faster than anyone else.

"What does it matter to you? You would have just as soon done the same for Ermalai." She scoffed. "Is that why you are here—to get an admission of guilt from me to relay to him? I have gone to great lengths to make my story as true as can be."

"You don't get it, do you?" Arms crossed, he leaned forward. "She was one of your greatest assets. Cutting her off from you is exactly what Ermalai wanted. All you've done is ensure he didn't have to do the work himself."

"You think I do not know—"

"Think about it. He applied pressure where he guessed it would hurt you. You've given him proof he knows how to make you snap."

"You think I snapped?" Jaylah was suddenly returned to the blinding rage of that night. "You think I had a lapse in judgement? She was using me for power, controlling me because she believed I was weak. And I showed her I was not! I showed her I could do it without her! If I had to, I would do it a thousand more times. It is the least of what she deserves."

Alexander was irritatingly calm. "Just for using you? Damn. You know, you're using me and I'm not crying about it."

Klymene's words echoed through her mind. Make that boy a puppet on a string. Jaylah no longer felt satisfaction in that idea. Her perspective was different now. She wanted him to do things for her because he desired it. Could anyone truly love her if she manipulated them into it?

"I do not wish to use you, I want to guarantee that you will not kill me," she put it baldly. "What she did to me—pretending she was on my side, lying to my face for her own selfishness—I would not do to you. When I gave you the opportunity to kill slavers whenever you wanted, it was not because I was trying to win you over. It was because I was willing to give you anything that may help you heal your inner turmoil, to make you see that I do not seek to be your enemy or your master."

When Alexander had no snappy retort to that, she looked him dead in the eye. "We both know you are here to complete your job. So why have you not killed me yet?"

He did not seem to like saying it, but he did: "There are much worse punishments than being murdered. Ermalai nor your father will give you a quick way out."

"That is Ermalai and my father. What will you do?"

Pushing off the wall in a signal that their conversation was over, he said, "You'll just have to wait and see." He smiled then, but it did not look very real.

"You do not completely believe me, do you?" she said to his turned back. "You think I will get what I want out of you and then throw you away." She steeled herself to say a hint of the thoughts, feelings that had festered for far too long. "Sometimes you are the only person that feels real in this palace full of fake things." He stopped. "Why would I discard that?"

He looked over his shoulder at her for a moment too long to be casual. Then stopped himself and walked away. His parting statement echoed off the passage's walls. "Thank you for the flowers."

Those words—and her relief that he left before anything more could ensue—stayed with Jaylah the whole walk back to her quarters. She was still wrestling it out of her thoughts when she returned to her dressing room to slip out of her dress. It was constricting enough to need several tries to take off, and when she managed to slide it down her knees, one of them jostled against the vanity's leg. It was not loud, but it was noticeable in the otherwise silent cavern.

Her mind filled with curses when she heard a knock at the door connecting her quarters to Saria's. All those days ago, Saria had been the one that caught Alexander's assassination attempt in time. From the urgency of her knocks, she likely expected this was a repeated event. Jaylah had no choice but to answer the door lest Saria call the soldiers for assistance.

Saria looked very small in the doorway. "Oh dear," was all she said. "Your earring is tangled in your hair." It was indeed; Jaylah could feel it tugging uncomfortably. Saria reached over to right it for her. She then led Jaylah wordlessly to the center of the room to help her into her nightclothes.

The pressure of Saria's neutral quiet got to Jaylah. "I had an outing with the Czarevich tonight I did not want publicized."

Saria sighed. "I know you have to lie to everyone. But you need not lie to me. I've heard you leaving on nightly outings through the wall." At the question in Jaylah's expression she shook her head. "I do not know where you go, though I pray my guesses are incorrect."

"I see," Jaylah said slowly as Saria unraveled her braids with her usual care. "And you have not told a soul?" If she had...Jaylah did not know what she would do.

"You do not need to fear treachery from me. I am old. I have seen many a betrayal carried out here. I have long since decided it is my duty to benefit the Empress, not sell her out when it becomes profitable." When her work was done, she rested a hand on Jaylah's shoulder. "Whatever it is you are doing, just be careful. Too many people have been hurt already. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing you fall too."

At the reminder of her line's grim past, Jaylah felt the need to look away from Saria's face in the looking glass. But she was not perturbed. In fact, her chest was filled with soft light. Perhaps Alexander was not the only real person in her life.