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Summary: Spencer finds it hard to explain to his daughter that her mommy isn't coming home.
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Spencer felt numb, it felt as if his whole body had shut down. When the doctor entered the waiting room, Spencer knew just by the look on the doctors face that Y/N was gone. It felt like he couldn't think or feel anything. The chatter around him turned into distant whispers. He was alone.
When those dreaded words fell out of the doctors mouth, Spencer nearly collapsed. If it weren't for the arms of Luke to catch him, he would've. Tears streamed down his face, he didn't care who saw him cry. Everyone was crying but none were crying as much as Spencer. His sobs echoed through the hospital as he clutched onto JJ for dear life. Spencer had been in pain before but nothing came close to the pain he felt at that very second.
Sitting down on the waiting room chairs, Spencer continued to clutch onto JJ as everyone else held each other. Spencer may have lost his true love but everyone else had lost their dear friend, colleague. They had all lost a member of their family.
Spencer didn't want to leave, he wanted to remain in that very spot for eternity. He knew that once he left the hospital without Y/N, it became real. They both went into the hospital but only one came out alive.
Everything was a blur for Spencer. He remembered hugging everyone and was guided out of the hospital but other than that, he didn't know what happened. All Spencer wanted to do was wake up from this unbearable nightmare that was his reality.
As he was in the car, Spencer couldn't help but think that Y/N should be by his side. She should be singing along go the radio at the top of her lungs, filling the car with laughter. But now his head was rested against the window as JJ drove him to his apartment.
Once JJ pulled up outside, she offered to help Spencer up but he refused. He wanted to be alone with the one person that could make the situation he was currently in bareable.
Trudging up the stairs, Spencer found himself in front of his apartment. Fishing his keys out of his pocket, he unlocked the door. The babysitter he and Y/N had hired was sitting on the couch scrolling through her phone. Once she heard Spencer enter the apartment, she looked up to him with pity in her eyes, knowing that Spencer needed to be with the one person that could make him smile, she spoke up.
"She's playing in her room," the babysitter spoke, "I'm so sorry Spencer."
Spencer only gave a small nod in response before the babysitter bid her goodbye. After she was gone, Spencer headed straight to the room that would make him smile. Pushing it open, he was greeted to the sight of his daughter, Violet, colouring a picture at her desk. When she heard someone step into her room, her ears perked up.
"Daddy!" She climbed off her chair before rushing over to Spencer.
Letting a smile land on his face for the first time since the unimaginable happened, Spencer bent down to embrace his daughter in a hug.
"Hey there princess!" Spencer said, hugging his daughter close, "Were you good for your babysitter today?"
"Yeah!" Violet said happily, "I played dolls with her and she let me draw. I drew a picture of you and mommy!"
Violet ran away from Spencer and back over to her desk, picking up the piece if paper she was colouring only moments prior. When she brought it back over to Spencer, his eyes immediately welled with tears.
"Where's mommy? I want to show her." Violet said as Spencer continued to look down at the drawing.
This was the moment Spencer dreaded.
"Violet, mommy isn't coming home." Spencer said, trying to keep his voice level but he couldn't help but let it crack.
"Why not?" Violet asked.
Spencer sighed deeply, stopping any tears that threatened to escape, "Your mommy was very brave today and she did something to save a whole family from a bad man."
"But why isn't she here?" Violet questioned.
Spencer looked down and blinked away his tears, "Why don't we take a little trip and I will explain?"
Violet nodded, excited to go on a trip. Spencer got her coat and helped her into it while he picked her up and rested her on his hip as he carried her up all the flights if stairs to the roof.
The night sky was full of stars in the sky. The flaming balls of gas a complete contrast to the blackness that surrounded them.
Spencer sat down first before sitting Violet in his lap. She still clutched onto the drawing.
"Where's mommy? She always comes when we come up here." Violet said, fighting in Spencer's lap.
"Well if you look up in the sky Violet, you will be able to see mommy."
"Daddy, you're silly," Violet giggled, "She's not up there."
"No she is," Spencer said, "She's up there watching down on us both."
"Daddy, I'm confused." Violet said.
Spencer sighed, "Well you know your mommy did a very brave thing, well that brave thing cost her something, something she can't get back. So she had to make a trade, the safety of the family and in return she became a star. The biggest star in the sky."
Violet looked up at the sky and pointed, "That one! It's the biggest and brightest! Is that mommy?"
Spencer looked up to where she pointed and sure enough it was the biggest and brightest star in the sky. Spencer felt his eyes prick with tears.
"Yeah," he said, his voice cracking once again, "Yeah, that's mommy."
"Hi mommy!" Violet waved up at the sky, "I drew you a picture!"
Spencer felt his tears flow down his cheeks as Isla held her drawing up to the sky. She rambled about how the drawing was of her and Spencer and talked about how much she loved them.
Gripping onto his daughter tightly, Spencer hugged her close to him.
"Can we come out here to see mommy every night?" Violet mumbled against Spencer.
"Of course," Spencer mumbled against Violet's head, "Whatever you want."
They two sat there under the stars for a while longer, staring up at the star that was now known as Y/N, or in Violet's case, mommy.
It wasn't until Violet let out a yawn when Spencer finally decided to pick her up and carry her back down the stairs to their apartment.
Spencer knew that there would come a time where Violet would realise what really happened to her mom. But right then it didn't matter. Both her and Spencer could visit Y/N on the roof every night and tell her about their day and that was good enough for them.
