Demi Caught Me (discontinued)

[34]

HANNAHS POV

I roll over again, unable to breathe and notice I'm entangled onto someone who was noticeably not Demi.

I push the persons hair off of their face and let out a sigh of relief when it's Lauren.

I poke Lauren's bare stomach and she stirs, "What?"

I shrink back into myself, worried that I made her mad.

"Nevermind, sorry." I mutter, rolling over so I wouldn't face her.

I feel Lauren spoon me, "It's okay, I thought you were Camila. She always wakes me up."

I nod and reach over to grab my phone but Lauren grabs my arm.

"Let me look first." She whispers, sitting up and getting my phone.

"Jesus Christ."

"What?" I whisper.

"Look." Lauren says, handing me my phone.

demi: I saw the look in your eyes today when you finally realized what I had done. Your pretty mouth dropped open slightly and you were at a loss for words. You didn't need to say anything, anyway, because I saw it all in your eyes--betrayal, disillusionment, revulsion. In that moment, I just wanted to crawl under a rock somewhere and hide. But now that I understand the gravity of what I've done, my actions have filled me with self-loathing and remorse. It's difficult for me to look in the mirror and I'm not proud of the person I see there when I do.

I have no excuse for what happened and saying "I'm sorry" hardly seems adequate. But if you could forgive me this time, I promise you this will never happen again. Both the suffering that I've caused you and the misery I feel now show me that breaking my word causes too much damage to both of us to ever want to do it again. Whatever selfish gratification I thought I'd gain by my foolish act has disappeared like a wisp of cloud under the noonday sun. All that remains is guilt and a stronger resolve to be not only the woman you want me to be, but to be the woman that I want myself to be.

I know it may be difficult to believe right now, but I really do love you and have honestly never loved anyone else. In the past year, we've become so much a part of each other's lives that I really can't imagine my life without you anymore. I don't think it would benefit either one of us to give up on this relationship yet because we've both invested so much of ourselves into it already and our good times have far outnumbered the bad. What few problems we've had in the past have been minor and we've been able to work through them with very little trouble.

I would give anything to pick up where we left off--just doing everyday things like coming back to the apartment after work, kicking back on the couch and sharing the ups and downs of each other's day. I enjoy taking turns at being chef (when we don't order pizza) and appreciate your willingness to cuddle with me once in a while. We had already started to plan our summer vacation together before this happened. Wouldn't it be great if we could still get away together for a while and try to put this behind us?

I know I'm really expecting a lot to ask you to continue making plans with me, but the alternative is too painful to even consider. Please remember all the good times we've had already, as well as all the good times that are still out there waiting for us to discover. I promise you a faithful companion who has learned her lesson and is more determined than ever to make you happy and stand by you as long as you will have her.

I inhale sharply, allowing my tears to fall freely.

Lauren rubs my back softly, "It's okay."

"There's another one." I say.