Stranger's Kiss ✔

41

F O R T Y   O N E

H a e s o o ' s

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I still haven't gone to school since yesterday. I'm lying on my bed. It's afternoon now. It just feels heavy to me—all of these.

I don't know what to believe. I admit that I was kind of jealous when I saw the pictures of Yeonjun with that girl right after he kissed me inside the studio. It just felt unfair to me how I don't know anything.

I feel cheated. Yeonjun had a first love, but he denied it to me. The fact that he keeps too much secrets... That's what held me back from accepting him.

Of course, I'd want to date him. I like him so much, and knowing that he liked me too was all I could ask. Nothing more than that, now that I'm being confused all over again. That Seo Joohan girl just told me about Yeonjun being a monster. What was that all about? She did not reply after I begged her to provide context.

Speaking of the so-called bad guy... I saw Yeonjun's face from outside my window, slowly walking to our gate. Holy fuck.

I can't let him in. My mom thinks he's a creepy boy trying to force me in a relationship, because of what happened here inside my house yesterday. If my mom sees him now, he will be dead. My mom went out to buy cooking ingridients, and I know she will be here soon. They can't cross paths.

I rushed down from my room immediately to the door. The doorbell rang exactly when I arrived, so I had the time to react fast. I clicked the button and saw Yeonjun's face, so I immediately went out from the door.

I don't care if he thinks I waited for him to come. That's not the case—I'm reacting fast to avoid a potential brutal murder.

And so I stepped my feet, catching my breath a little bit. I raised my head and saw him, Choi Yeonjun, looking like how he usually looked. I stood there quietly, and he was looking at me from the holes of the gate. He stopped moving and just stared, exactly the same way I did.

I couldn't smile or cry, or show any emotion. I guess I just felt tired after the constant overthinking and crying.

I slowly walked to him with no intention of letting him in. I opened the gate but only to talk to him now. There couldn't be any other way than to talk to him this time, even if it's against my will.

Yeonjun waved his hand and showcased a tiny smile—I see he couldn't smile at me the way he used to. I don't know if I should be glad. "Hey... Haesoo."

Wasn't he mad yesterday when he walked out because I rejected him? I breathed out and spoke. "Go away. My mom will kill you–"

I couldn't carry on with the first sentence I spoke after my eyes caught my mother walking in the distance. My eyes widened. God, why is she home so early?

What should I do?

There was nothing else I could think of than grab Yeonjun inside the house. I immediately gripped on his wrist. He let me grab him and he followed wherever I drag him to. Oh, I'm so dead if she finds out. Yeonjun was just looking at me. I made sure to close the gate and the house door along the way, as I looked around for a place to hide Yeonjun at.

This shit is making me panic.

Yeonjun probably noticed the way I'm acting. He can think of me as anything weird, and I wouldn't care anymore.

Actually I do care. He can't think of me that way. I grabbed his wrist for another time to lead him up, and into my own room. Ugh, why is this the only way I could ever think of? I should've just hid him like... Behind a curtain or something.

Yeonjun was surpisingly calm. He did not react or ask questions. He let me act according to my will, which is very unusual of him.

And after an intense run to the outside and back to my room, I finally locked the door to breathe a sigh of relief.

I brushed my hand to my hair, panting. I put my ears against the door, trying to listen if my mom already went in.

This is the most stupid thing I've ever done—hide a boy in my room. I swear, I can't see this going well.

And after I collected myself, I heard Yeonjun's voice again as if I did not hear him yesterday at all. "Haesoo," he said. "Talk to me."

I turned to face him, and he stood there with my pink wallpaper as a background. "Do... Do I have a choice?" I replied.

I can see that he was kind of hesitant and worried now, unlike how he was a minute ago. "I'm s-sorry. I'm sorry about everything. I shouldn't have lied... And I should've told you beforehand." He apologized as he slowly looked down.

I didn't want to listen, but I guess I really have no choice. I breathed out and looked away. "My... Mom is mad at you. Why would you come here at this hour?"

"I came directly from class," he explained. He looked at me and bit his lip out of guilt. I don't really know what to do now.

I sighed again and looked down. "I... Told you yesterday, that I'm leaving us friends. What is it that you don't understand?" I asked, with my voice a bit shaky. Ugh, why am I doing this? This is just torture.

He held my arm, and I can feel his eyes looking at me. Although I can't look back, I know it. "W-will you come tomorrow? It's Beomgyu's big day. You promised to be there at the restaurant launching."

I almost flinched as I remembered. "I... Will be there." I shrugged his hand off from my arm. "Yeonjun, we don't have to make things hard for us. Just... Let's just act normally, as friends. Do you understand?"

"What if I can't do that, Haesoo? You know I have feelings for you. How is this so easy for you to say?"

"Do you think it's easy for me?" I finally looked back at him. My eyes would tell him how painful it is for me, but I am unsure if he could see that. "I'm having a hard time too, Choi Yeonjun."

He looked down and held my hand. "I'm sorry, Haesoo, I really am. I want to explain... About Joohan," Yeonjun said. "S-she was a close friend. Yes, she was the first girl I fell in-love with, but I put her to trouble back then, so her family became mad at mine and they had to take her away. She came back here to study again in Korea. We had a family dinner that night... Only to reconcile. That's it, Haesoo. I promise you, it's the truth."

I wanted to remove his hands from holding mine, but I couldn't. His voice was shaky, and he sounded sorry to me. I don't know if he is really telling me the truth, but I can feel how sincere he was.

I wish it was easy to forgive, but I still couldn't see why he had to lie about that when there is actually nothing to lie about. "Is that... Everything?" I questioned, half anxious.

I wanted to hear him explain, and he wanted that as well. Now that he got to tell me what happened, why am I still worried? Why can't I look at him and tell him he owns my heart? Why do I still... Feel hurt about this?

I don't know anymore. "If that's all, Yeonjun, you can leave–"

I've been to this many times, surprised again and again. Why am I still not used to him everytime he kisses me without a warning?

Yeonjun kissed me. He only closed his eyes but I couldn't do the same. He looked so sincere, but I couldn't be the same.

He kissed me again, but still, I couldn't kiss him back. Why can't I... Be the same way I was?