she looks so perfect // lh

2.2

after rose met me at the bus station i could tell she wanted to talk about what happened. i, on the other hand, just wanted to get my mind off of things. luke was all i could think about, so anything i could do to take my mind off of him helped. it felt even worse when michael would text, apologizing for not being there for me. i wish i could confide in him like i did when we were younger, but i still couldn't do that to luke.

i spent some time hanging out with my old friends from school, but it was very clear that we weren't as close as we had been in the past. we all had drifted apart and were on different pages and stages in our lives all of the sudden. it also didn't help that i couldn't get myself to muster a smile half the time, i'm assuming.

everything i did reminded me of him, even things we never did together. i know rose tried to help as much as she could, but i could tell this was hard on her too. when she thought i wasn't paying attention she was always texting or talking to calum on the phone. they had gotten a lot closer in the past couple weeks, checking up on me and luke through each other. even aiden had checked in a few times, wondering when i'd be back to melbourne.

the texts from luke were the hardest to take. i could tell he was constantly holding back what he actually wanted to say to me. every friendly text he sent made me fall deeper and deeper in love with him. and it was true, i loved luke more than i ever thought i would love someone.  i hadn't even realized what love was until luke. i could almost laugh at myself for thinking i was in love with liam, that is if i could laugh anymore.

the nights were the absolute worst to handle. half the time i couldn't fall asleep, too preoccupied with my thoughts. falling asleep didn't help either, though. every dream i had was a reminder of how happy luke made me. every morning i woke up and forced myself not to let him know how much i missed him. i typed it out a handful of times, but i could never get myself to hit send.

"yeah, she's asleep," i heard rose say as she facetimed calum. i kept my eyes closed, desperate to know how luke was doing. their calls were the only chance i got to check in on him or even hear his name.

"rose, you have to talk to her." calum was speaking quieter than normal, i'm assuming to make sure michael or luke couldn't hear their conversation. it seemed to be taking a toll on his relationship with my brother, yet another thing to add to my guilt.

"it's not easy, cal. and besides, you're one to talk," she accused, earning a scoff.

"hey, i've tried to talk to him. it's not my fault that he can't get two sentences in without falling apart. he's acting like she died." my heart instantly broke at his words. i thought luke was getting better over time, that he would move on slowly but surely. luke was the experienced of the two of us, the guy that could get a random girl at a party. he could do so much better, so why isn't he?

"well, it's not much easier over here. i just miss hanging out as a group," she mumbled, clearly upset.

"i miss you too," calum laughed. if i opened my eyes i would definitely see rose blushing and rolling her eyes. i hated thinking i was in the way of her happiness. i pushed all of these sad thoughts to the back of my mind and let myself drift off into sleep, despite my better judgment telling me how much it would hurt.

"i just think you need to practice your signature for when you're famous that's all," i said, handing luke the sharpie and notebook. he giggled at me, but humored me all the same. he practiced a couple different signatures while i laid down in bed next to him.

"you might as well practice yours too," he said, tossing the sharpie at me. instead of grabbing the pad of paper, i took his arm and lifted the sleeve of his shirt. i wrote my name in pretty letters and drew a fancy heart around it.