Burden // LS STORY

Part 22.

Rehab was brutal, but quite effective, I have almost regained full strength back in my arm and I was able to leave hospital the day after I woke up. I've been given some stretch techniques to complete on my own time, which Harry is persistent in me doing, and then I head back to the hospital to complete sessions with the physio once a week.

Harry hasn't left my side through any of it, he instructs me through all my individual exercises, he sits and waits at the hospital when I'm here with the physio which sometimes takes 2 hours, and he is forever in the library reaching other ways in which he can help me. It's almost like he feels guilty, but he wasn't behind the trigger.

Today marks a month since the shooting, the college is holding a memorial service for Nick and Kyle, as they have held off on all tributes until they felt it was sufficient time passed. Niall had been barely consolable, he spends all of his time in his room, he attends classes but doesn't speak with anyone, he's really not doing well. Harry and I have tried to talk to him, but it's proving impossible to get through to him. He only gets angry at us, because we didn't lose each other in this and Kyle didn't have a partner, so Niall feels like he is alone in his grieving.

I have what they call, survivors' guilt, or so that's what Harry says it is. When I see Niall spiralling, I think of how I survived in this, how I was given the chance to survive by the person who I care about, where Isaac put the bullet through Nick's head, he had no chance, Niall just had to sit there and watch his life be stolen from him.

This was going to be the first time that we were all going to be forced into a room to deal with our reality. Matron has asked for Harry, Niall and me to have a small meeting with her before the ceremony, knowing the motive behind why Isaac attacked the school that day. I felt even more anxious about this than I did about the ceremony. This was only going to add to the envy Niall had for me and Harry, we would be there for each other, and Niall would be alone again.
I had a quick word to Harry that we should sit either side of Niall, rather than together, I thought it may have helped ease the situation a little. Although, I know, nothing would bring back what he needed the most.
"Boys, thank you for joining me" Matron welcomed as we entered her office.

We each select a seat, but with Niall going in first, he sat right in the far corner, leaving Harry and I no choice but to sit next to each other. I sat next to Niall and Harry to my right.
"Do you boys know why I have asked you in here today?" she asks, we all glance at each other and in unison, shake our heads.

"Isaac's parents will be joining us today to pay their respects to Nick and Kyle." She begins to explain before Niall explodes from his chair.

"Like hell they are! What gives them the right?" he yells.

My reflexes grab his arm in support, surprisingly he doesn't shake me off.
"I understand how hard this must be for you, I understand you and Nick were, erm, fond of each other but -"
"Boyfriend, he was my boyfriend. You can say it, Matron, it isn't a dirty word" Niall spits out.

"Sorry, yes, I understand he was your boyfriend Mr Horan, but there's something you all should know before they get here." She continues.

Niall relaxes a little and sits back down into his seat.

"Isaac's parents, he was raised by two dads." She begins to explain. My jaw hits the floor.

We had no idea that Isaac was raised by gay men. Perhaps that is where all of the underlying anger came from. I mean it really isn't an excuse at all, but it was surprising to find out that information.

No one was saying anything. As I looked over to Niall and back at Harry, both of them seemed just as shocked as I was.

"Isaac won't be in attendance, will he?" I speak up.