BETTY, sirius black

weeping in a sunlit room

021. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
weeping in a sunlit room

"CASPIAN always used to prefer funerals over flashy weddings."

          Her heeled mary janes almost sank into the damp and moist soil beneath her as her eyes fell blankly over the crowd clad with tears and black clothing. Her lungs felt as if they were made of iron as she stared into the freshly dug grave in front of her, her eyes trailing over each detail etched into the dark, mahogany wood.

          "He used to tell me," she began once more, taking in a shaky breath as she blinked her tears away. "'Saiorse, it's so much easier to get enthusiastic about a ceremony one had an outside chance of eventually being involved in.'" Few crowd members let out soft chuckles at the girl's speech, many others staying silent as the uncontrollable tears streamed down their cheeks. "He could always see the bright side of things. Even funerals."

          Saiorse stood in a deep silence for what felt like days, her eyes simply glued to the sight in front of her. She felt like if she looked away from the casket, or even moved her feet an inch from the wooden podium, she would crack and break into a million pieces in front of Caspian's friends and family.

          "In order to prepare this speech, I rang a few people to get a general picture of how Caspian was regarded by those who met him." Saiorse grinned softly, looking down at the handkerchief that had been soaked with her tears. "I got a few 'idiot, but a lovable one', and 'a golden retriever as a boy' from many," the crowd laughed softly as Saiorse read off the sweet nicknames and jokes from her speech. "So, very lovable, and very idiotic seemed to be a stranger's viewpoint on Caspian.

          "But some of you have rung me and let me know that you loved him, which I know he would've been thrilled to hear." She said softly. It had been Saiorse's goal since the very beginning of the idea of this speech to not let her voice break, to speak as concise and as clear as she could possibly muster. It wasn't working.

          "You remember his absolutely fabulous hospitality, his strange experimental cooking. Once, he made me try his world famous recipe of escargot with added maple syrup." Saiorse laughed, her memories flashing by as she had remembered the way Caspian had shoved the spoon in her face. "He told me, 'It's just like chicken, mon amour.'" She gave a pause, wiping her nose with the tissue clamped in her left hand. "It was not like chicken."

          She folded the paper down, her eyes finally removing from the newly carved tombstone. "Most of all, you tell me of his enormous capacity for joy. And, when joyful, a highly vocal performance." She smiled, taking view of the bright shining sun. It was odd weather for an occasion so dreary, a cool, breezy day, not a cloud in sight. It was her favorite type of weather on a day that broke her to an empty shell that felt like it could never be whole again. "I hope joyful is how we'll remember him. Not stuck in a box in a church."

          A small bird floated by the cherry tree that stood over the funeral sight, a tweet escaping it's beak as a small grin replaced the slack jaw that sat upon Saiorse's face. She felt stuck in her brain for a moment, and all she could feel was the crushing pressure on her chest. She placed a hand over her mouth to stifle the sob that wanted so badly to come from her throat, turning her head away from the mic as tears came streaming from her eyes. Saiorse wanted to fall to her knees and shout at whatever twisted force that killed her love, had killed her Caspian. She wanted to yell and scream until her throat was raw, rip the ground from the Earth, hit something until it hurt as bad as she did. He was gone forever, one of the only completely good things that came from her. "He was the most amazing thing in my life." Saiorse cried, her voice breaking as she could not control it any longer. "And I hope to whatever, to Merlin I never forget how wonderful that boy was."