10| Loneliness

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We met a few years ago while going to class, with so many things on my mind. You came to me by surprise not knowing where you came from. You scared the shit out of me. It almost made me cry. The whole day i was thinking about you.. What you said, how i felt. I can't quite figure out why. You did well by taking me out of my leash.

And here you are with this indescribable energy. Like a wind, invisible but jet present. In my thoughts, in my soul, my presence. With this dark figure that I can't quite describe because of the light that sometimes i see. Something mysterious, fascinating and at the same time scary. Beautiful but sometimes unhappy. But i can see your figure, I understand it but not describe it.

Loneliness, why you had to come right when I didn't need you? Why now that I don't want you? Why now that I'm willing to do right by myself, willing to do the right thing you had to destroy it? You know exactly how far I've come from the person i was before. It really took a while to build that confidence. But you know what, you don't own me and I'm not afraid of you like I used to do. I know that sometimes I can't help but feel this way but you have to go. I don't want you and I don't owe you anything. It's crazy how you make me feel. But it's over.

I am definitely gonna block you from my life even if i know you might come back. I'm better than you and i will do my best to keep you out of it. I will do my best to to stop talking about you. I will fill myself with the love you could never give me. Trust me you will see the difference.

I feel better now. I can be 24 hours with myself and not hearing you or thinking about you. It feel fresh and free   Very much peaceful. With a lot of confidence. And most importantly with so much self love. Thank you so much for walking away from my life. I appreciate it. Thank you for letting me down. I deserve it.


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