Statehouse Oneshots

Indiana vs Mirrors

Tw: image issues, derealization

Indiana looked up at the black cloth covering his bathroom mirror. It had been put up months ago, during another spike in his self hatred and he just could not bear the reflection that had faced him.

He hated looking at it so much. It hurt him deep to his core, and he just could not stop obsessing over every little flaw to the point where his body felt so alien to him.

But...

He had told people so many times their "imperfections" made them beautiful, and that those "flaws" just added to their charm.

And it was true! He whole heartedly believed that! Even with features he despised on himself it just- it didn't translate over. Maybe he was the exception, maybe it was the certain combination of his features that made him so disgusting to look at that it physically hurt his eyes.

Indiana slowly inched closer to the mirror, reaching a hand up to grab a part of the cloth.

He had to do this. He had to show he wasn't a hypocrite and that he wasn't lying to everyone. He couldn't just say those things and not believe it when it came to himself.
Besides, how else was he supposed to deal with it? It had to be taken care of before the others noticed and got concerned. He didn't need to burden them with something so utterly stupid. The cloth had been questioned already.
If they found out they might laugh at his fears. He wouldn't blame them, it was so dumb. Obsessing over things so small, features that seemed so normal for them. Or hate him for being a hypocrite. They might even think he was lying about the stuff he said when comforting them! And he just- couldn't deal with having to dump all this on anyone. It would hurt them to know and he was deeply aware of this.

(Don't listen to Indi's bad thoughts kids, tell someone if you need to, it can really help)

1, 2, 3-

The cover was off, and Indiana forced himself to look in the mirror.

Ok, ok, this was fine, he was fine- fuck everything looked horribly wrong.

His hair was terrible, a fucking rats nest with pieces sticking up every which way. Those clothes were unflattering, his arms were too hairy, his nose was too square and his eyebrows were shaped weird.

On and on the list went, picking apart anything it could.

A deep shame rose in him. Did he really let people see him like this? Wow. He should just lock himself in his room and never leave until all this was fixed.

No-

No.

He had to think positive. Had to find something good about himself.

His smile! That was it! People always told him it was pretty.

Indi attempted one but it was still off. A stranger in the mirror smiled back at him, it's grin lopsided and dumb. Were they just lying to make him feel better about this stupid body he was in?
He locks eyes with himself in the mirror. His reflection stared back with those stupid Grey eyes. Dull and lifeless and boring. Just like him.

He looks back down as his thoughts begin to spiral. He'll never get over this. It was a dumb plan and he was a dumb state who was so dumb looking and-

Indiana can faintly hear something like a knock on his bedroom door. He did not like it. Maybe if he waits it'll go away.

Indi sniffs, wiping at his cheeks. They were wet. When did he start crying?
He definitely couldn't answer it now.

He moves to the corner, huddling, knees to his chest. The knocking just grows louder, almost unbearably so, until it abruptly stops.
Indiana doesn't bother getting up to re-cover the mirror. He couldn't take that right now. He would remain in that fetal position, facing the wall, for a while.