Sinclair's Baby

Chapter 20

AMANDA

God what do I do now?
I wonder

Sinclair! I demand that you stop pulling me right this instant, I shout for the umpteenth time because he just keeps dragging me towards, I assume, his car.

Eventually, perhaps that the sound of his name being shouted over and over finally knocked some sense into his head because he pauses suddenly, drops my hand and just stared at me.

"I will have a discussion with you but I demand some respect!"
I say again, looking him squarely in the eye for the first time since I came back.

Oh, I truly wish to happily drown in those grey eyes. See it fill up with love for me again.

Usually, his eyes are filled with light and laughter but seeing him now, all I see is pain. Who knew that finding out that he is a father after all this time would bring him so much pain. He deserves it though or does he?

Amanda! I chide my self for my straying thoughts.

"I came back here for Cindy's wedding and I don't want this to mess things up. I say pointing to him and then to myself,.

So, we will go back in there, round up with the rehearsal then we can go somewhere and talk later like to matured adults. We can not mess things up for our friends. Let us just call a truce."

From the look on his face, there is no indication that he is willing to respond to me. The intensity of his gaze so harsh that I simply have to look away preferring to stare a hole into his chest than face the fury of his gaze.

I find my self at odds.

A few more seconds passed and he still has not said a word in reply.
So I give up on getting any answer from him but just as I am about to turn away to go back into the church, he grips my arm forcing me to look into those grey eyes again, arresting my gaze and not letting me look away.

"You are hurting me"

 I say hesitantly because his grip on my arm is so tight and for a second, I feel genuine fear.

His anger radiates out of him and it is choking.

We will meet later and you will answer every single question that I have especially why I am just learning that I have a son!

With that he drops my hand and storms back into the church.

It dawns on me in this very moment that I am wrong for not telling him of his son. I was very selfish. Not only did I deny him his son, I also denied my son the opportunity of having his father in his life.

I feel tears gather in my eyes out of self pity.

I should not have allowed my issues with his father affect his life.

Vehemently, I wipe the tears from my eyes not letting it drop. The deed has been done and the blame is not entirely mine so even though I understand Sinclair's anger, I will not stand his acting like he is the victim. Like he does not have a hand in this out come, like he is the saint.

With this thought, I follow him back into church.

At least, we will get the rehearsal done with.

*********************

I get into the church just in time to hear the wedding planner say in relief on seeing Sinclair come back.

"Ah, thank God they are back. Let's get this party going guys!"

I go straight to Cadence to just give him a hug in a bid to get a hold of my nerves.

He smiles contentedly on seeing me and so I take him from Freddie's arm, offering Freddie a small smile and then focus on pampering my son in a bid to avoid all the questions those eyes are asking me.