Love & pain

Side story- the past

"y/n. Your name is y/n"

...

"Mom, why is y/n looks so ugly"

"Alan, don't be a jerk!" A woman knocked his head with her fist. A boy, named Alan rubbed his head. On the day when Aunt Rose received me, she named her.

Alan was about 9 years old when y/n as a baby arrived. Alan, with his black hair and silver sharp eyes caught my feelings. He was my crush even though they lived together.

....

4 years later, Alan joined the training corps. He wanted to join military police to give a good life to us. I was 4 years old.

But later, when he came back, I don't know what happened, he joined survey corps. Auntie was so mad and worried about her son knowing the fact that it would kill him.

"I was forced to join the survey corps. Because of my skills, the commander wants me."

"Why.. if you were forced, what do they threaten you with?"

Alan immediately went on his kneel. Crying so hard. Me and aunt looking at him confused.

"Mom, y/n, I'm sorry, but I'm a criminal."

"What ar-" before aunt could finish her question, alan interrupted her.

"I killed people! Many!"

That words makes aunt covered her mouth and burst into tears. I was young that I couldn't understand what killed means.

"Th-they said, if I joined the survey corps, they would cover up my crimes."

Then, Alan went to the expedition and he died. My aunt were so depressed that she didn't came out from her room at all. So I have to cook by myself and baked to sell.

I received many compliments by the villagers that came to my stall and buys my bakery and they said it was good. The fact that I'm still at my young age, our bakery become way popular.

Hearing the great news, aunt rose finally came back and started her new chapter. She continued to bake even though sometimes she cried when she's baking. All the villagers like our bakery.

Years later, I fell on the ground that was full with small rocks and sharp. My face kissed on the ground too causes my face to bleed so hard and my knees.

"Oh my dear god!! What happened!? You looked like a zombie!! Wait here, I'll go take first aid!"

My aunt was so rushed and running everywhere to find the first aid. When she came back, she accidentally dropped the first aid.

"W-wa-wait.."

Apparently my face that were covered with dirts and blood disappeared except a little bit dust on my face. The scars are gone too.

....

Alan's crimes was a self-defense. He got threatened by the drunk peoples on the streets but he killed them off. It wasn't his intentions to kill them but he stabbed at the position where it could take someone's life.

"He only stabbed once. Person by person but only one time. Maybe the others were trying to attacked him but he stabbed first. Plus, with his skills, of course he would defeat them but I know it wasn't his intention to kill them as he still don't know where to knocked them only." Said one of the police military. He came to our house to talk about the investigation.

"How about the survey corps? Do they know that?" My aunt asked.

"Yes. I believe they brainwashed him into making him a criminal and makes him join the survey corps"

Hearing that across the room, makes my blood boils. My hatred towards the survey corps starts. So, when I turned 13, I joined the training corps and joined the survey corps. To get my revenge.

.....

Years after training, finally, I get to join the survey corps. The commander is doing his speech. I cringed so hard because I hate everyone here. I hate people that were in the situation when Alan were forced. I know that commander isn't the commander that forced him but he was there.

Keith Shadis.

Three days after I joined the survey corps and finished doing my plans. Late at night, where everyone's asleep, I quietly went out from my dorm and went ahead to the commander's room.

It was dark, so he's sleeping. I entered the room and slowly walking towards the commander sleeping soundly. I took out my small knife and before I went to the stab, a force pulled me and throw the knife away making me fall to the floor. I couldn't see clearly as it was dark in the room but as he  stood up, he's big.

I saw the knife near the wall that got dropped. I stood up and went into a speed of light to get the knife so does he. I got the knife after him so I immediately attacked him with my knife. He dodged.

Then he sweep his feet to my feet making my back fall onto the ground and making a loud noise. Then, he came on top me and hold my two hands on the floor.

The lights were lit up and we looked at the commander, awake from his sleep. Holding his candle light and looked confused but kinda aware what's happening.

I tried to move my body from this blond dude but he's too heavy. As he was about to get my knife away from my hand, he removed his hand from my other hand to take knife and I took that as a chance.

I punched him hard on his face making him dropped to the other side. My knife is still in my hand so I stood up and went to attack the commander. As expected, the commander blocked the knife with his hand by holding my hand wrist. He put his light candle onto his table.

"You know he's not a criminal, but you witnessed the commander forcing him to join this corps and now he's fucking dead!"

My tears started to rolling down the cheeks. The commander's face changed.

"So you're Alan's sister."

"We had no choice, we really need him to go for the expedition." He continued. My blood boils and going to attack him again but he hold me off with his strength. Then, the blond guy pulled me away from the commander.

"Y/n, you have skills too. Just like him. The reason why we force him is because he obviously refused and we have to since we're not enough any soldiers."

.....

"He just elected as a commander weeks before you joined."

I looked at the blond guy with annoying looks. He's been following me after I went out the commander's room. I'm still pissed because i couldn't kill the commander.

"Did i ask?"

He looked at me with unbelievable face. I know it's rude but I don't give a fuck. I'm pissed. It was dark but I could see clearly his face and his sky blue eyes and..weird hairstyle.

"Why are you in the room too?" I asked.

"I saw a figure walking into the room and I can see a knife in your hand and you put it in your pocket. I was meeting someone that time."

As I about to go to my dorm, I turned to him. "Are you going to join me to my dorm?" He was shocked a bit. He shook his head and turned his back and went to his way.

.....

We're on the expedition. As I was fighting the titans and killed them off, I saw that blond dude sitting on the ground not moving. Witnessing his friends gets eaten. I went to him and killed the titan.

"Get out of here!"

He looked so confused as if he don't know me at all. Maybe he don't? Because last week were so dark and we barely can see anything but since I ate carrot everyday, my vision in dark was very good.

"Tch, he's weak after all."

Who knows that time, I fell in love with him and started being protective to him. I'm glad when he was elected as a commander, he accepted my request to be by his side or so call assistant.