The Love I Leave Behind

Pain

"Selin. Will you marry me?"

NO. NO. NO. THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. HE WAS GOING TO REMEMBER AND WE WOULD BE HAPPY AGAIN.  I CAN'T BE HERE  I HAVE TO LEAVE I CAN'T STAY HERE ANYMORE.

Standing up and walking through everyone and leaving Deniz's Cafe was a blur and I could hear Melo and Ceren calling my name but I couldn't stop. I couldn't turn around and see him with her.  I couldn't breathe . The cold air told me that I had made it outside, walking towards Uncle and driving home were the only things I could think about right now. I couldn't even see through the tears in my eyes. I opened the door, got in and started the car, but I couldn't seem to drive away. Leaning my head on the steering wheel replaying the words over and over in my head "Selin. Will you marry me?"  I hear the driver side door opening and feel someone pushing me into the passenger side seat. I couldn't bring myself to stop them. I couldn't even talk and the tears running down my face wouldn't let me see who it was.

I feel the seat belt coming across my body and Uncle starting up and moving onto traffic. Finally the tears had stopped enough to the point where I could look up and see who was driving me away from my own personal hell. Ah of course Deniz. My childhood friend who came back from his travels just to help me at a moments notice. The only person I could lean on right now, the only person untouched by all of this.

"Eda? Are you okay?" Deniz asked.

Okay? I haven't been okay in two months, in fact I don't think I know the meaning of the word anymore. 

"Eda? Eda?" 

"No Deniz I haven't been okay for a long time." I replied.

"Eda do you want-"

"Please just take me home. I am tired."

"Okay, but I am here when you are ready." Deniz replied.

Ready? How can someone be ready when their soulmate didn't remember them and was marrying someone else. 

I didn't have the strength to talk anymore, my brain just kept replying the the past two days over and over again. Serkan saying he doesn't remember me. Saying there was nothing between them and that he was with Selin. SELIN. SELIN. The reason for everything going wrong with them. And Ayidan keeping him from her for two months, and letting her run around looking for Serkan when he knew where he was from the very beginning. 

Feeling the car had stopped I look up and see that we had arrived home. I got out of the car I wanted nothing more then to go inside and fall into bed and hope this was all a dream, but I knew that it wasn't. Going through the motions of going through the gate and into the house and up into my room so that I could be alone to think was what I needed the most. I start to climb the stairs to go to my room when I hear Deniz call me.

"Eda."

I stop on the stairs to listen, but I don't have the strength to turn and face him.

"Yes ,Deniz?"

" Will you be fine by yourself? Do you want me to stay?"

"Deniz, thank you but I need to be alone right now. Please tell the girls and auntie that. Please I just need quiet for awhile. Can you do that for me please." I asked him with my back still facing him. 

"Of course, I'll them just tell me when you are ready." 

" Thank you." 

Climbing the rest of the stairs and going into my room. Closing the door I walk to my bed and fall down onto my bed. The tears fall down my face again and onto the bed. My brain going through every single memory of me and Serkan from the very first time we met in that auditorium , the hand cuffs, our first engagement,  apollo stargazing , the waterfall, Serkan playing the guitar for me, and Serkan yelling at me about Kaan getting the designs. So many memories running through my mind like a movie but those memories now seemed tainted from Serkan pushing me away to ask Selin to marry him. 

All those memories are only mine now, to Serkan we are nothing and I am a stranger to him. I couldn't imagine living a life without Serkan my love with me. But he had been living with Selin these past months fine without me and doing god know what with her.

That thought alone made me so angry that I couldn't hold it anymore. I let it all out screaming and throwing my things all over my room. Throwing the cup on my nightstand on the ground watching it break like my heart had just moments ago. I ripped our pictures off the walls and threw them to the ground. Ripping and throwing everything I could reach until I was out of breathe and fell onto the floor. 

I don't know how long I sat on the floor, I had heard Melo and Auntie trying to talk me sometime ago, but went away when I didn't respond. I looked up when I saw sunlight starting to stream through the bay windows, and the sunlight coming into the room showed the damage that I had inflicted onto my room. Though my focus turned to all the ripped pictures of us everywhere, all of our memories ripped and thrown to the ground. 

That's when I realized that's exactly what they were memories. Memories that have now been discarded by Serkan and now it was my turn.............