The Love I Leave Behind

Truth Hurts

" I am sorry." I tell her and I was sorry. More sorry than I ever was. "I can never erase the pain that I caused you. And I am sorry, that you had to leave your home because of me." As soon as I say the last part, for some reason Eda smirks at me. I don't know why but it didn't sit right with me. 

"Serkan, yes you are right I left because of you. I left my home, my girls, Hala, and everything I ever knew because of you." She is still looking at me with the smirk and I knew that this was just the beginning. "I left everyone I love because of you. Because of your decision to not fight, and ignore everyone and everything that we had ever been through to go back to the logical choice of your life." I flinch when she says that, because I remember from the first time that I told her Selin was the logical choice for me. "You brought my absolute worst fears to life that day." The smirk was gone, and I could see the anger coming out. I kept silent because I knew no matter what I said I could not make up for the pain that I had caused her, so I let her continue and let everything out. 

"You know when you first came back I was so happy. I thought he's back my love is back." She looked back down at the ground. "But then right there in that office where our love had started, you looked me right into my eyes and told me I was a stranger and that you were back with Selin."  I didn't know what to do, I wanted to hold her and tell her I was sorry a million times over but even then it didn't seem like enough. 

"So I called Babaanne and asked her to help me escape. I set everything up, and all I had to do was leave the shares to you and we would never have to see each other again." I shoot my head up at that last part. 

"But..but you have gave the rights to Engin and Ferit." I say wondering what had happened. She nods her head at me. Still looking at the ground she tells me. 

"I had everything done, all I had to do was sign." She picked her coffee cup up and took a drink. "But I couldn't do it." She says as she turns and looks at me. " I couldn't let you have that. I couldn't let you have the shares that I knew you always wanted. Because that would have meant that she would have won." She looks back down to her cup. " So I changed my mind last minute and I told the lawyer to draw up new papers giving the rights to Engin and Ferit but still left me with all the shares." I nod my head at this.

"I am glad that you did Eda." I tell her, because it was true. Her keeping the shares left a hope in me because I knew one day she would have to come back. But I had a feeling that it wasn't the end of it. So I ask the next question that was on my mind. 

"Why didn't you come back when you found out about my memory coming back?" I look at her, because I had to know. I was back to the Serkan that she knew, but she didn't come back. 

"Would you have come back Serkan?" She asks me, and I was surprised because that was not what I expected. 

"I don't understand, of course I would come back to Eda I would have never have left." I tell her, but she just raises an eyebrow at me and the smirk comes back. I knew I had said the wrong thing. 

"So you would have been okay with me losing all of our memories together, forgetting all about you, and hating you? Huh?" She asks me. "You would have stayed if you saw me with someone else? Me kissing and hugging that other person." My jaw clenches at the thought. "You would have been okay, if that at every time you tried to help me remember you got thrown away. Told that you were just the past and that I was with someone new. That the person that you loved was gone." She looks up at me again when she asks the next question. "Serkan would you have stayed if I got engaged to someone else knowing that for the rest of your life you had to see me be with someone else?" 

I couldn't give her an answer, because I knew that I couldn't. I couldn't watch Eda getting married to someone else, for someone to touch her as I used too.

"That's what I thought. So that's why I had to leave." 

"But why didn't you come back? I had my memory back, we could have worked it out. We could have healed together." I tell her, refusing to believe that we were the past, because it was us. We were each other's soulmate. 

"Serkan have you even been listening to me." She sets the coffee cup down again but this time she slammed the coffee cup down so hard I thought that it might break. " I was done fighting for us when you said you didn't care about me. I was so tired Serkan. Then getting that phone call from Deniz that you got your memories back it just made everything worse." I was confused. 

"Worse? Why did it make it worse? I remembered." I tell her. She just sighs. 

"How many times did you take my dreams away from me?" She asks me with such calmness it scared me. " Because I had lost count. I had just landed when I was told you got your memories back, and for a moment I almost turned around and got back on the  plane to go back to you." She leans against the rock behind us. "But then I remembered that I promised myself that I would live for myself when I left Turkey. I promised myself that even if you got your memories back I wouldn't let you take my dreams away from me. Not again. So I go into the car and I went to go live my dreams." She looks at me when she says that last part. 

Yet again she had left me speechless, because hearing her talk about me like I had ruined her hurt. It hurt so much. So I had to try and save it. 

"I would have gone there too you. I would have dropped everything and gone to you if I even thought for a moment that you wanted me there. But Anne showed me the letter that you wrote her, and I knew that you needed time because of everything that I had done. I thought that if I gave you enough time, you would come back on your own because we we love each other so mu-"

"Loved Serkan. Loved." She says looking into my eyes with a same calmness, but that broke the last piece of my heart to hear her talk about it in the past tense. 

"No Eda. Love." I try and tell her, but she just blinks her beautiful eyes at me. I feel the tears fall this time. 

"So you don't love me anymore?" I ask her because I had to hear the words, even if they killed me I had to hear them. Because I knew that she still loved me, I see it in her eyes. She is quiet as she looks back up at the sky. 

"Yok no Serkan I will always love you." She says to the sky, and I feel like weight had been lifted when she says that. "But I am no longer in love with you." The weight falls back down on my heart and crushes it and that's when the tears free fall from my eyes, I asked for the truth, but sometimes the truth hurts more than a lie. 

"I am sorry Serkan, but we have been through so many things. That maybe this whole time the world was telling us that we don't belong together? That maybe love isn't the most important thing." 

"No, Eda I refuse to believe the fact that we don't belong with each other. I refuse to believe that you of all people don't believe in love anymore." I couldn't take it anymore. I grab her hands, and I was surprised when she didn't take them away from me. Instead she looks at our joined hands together, and it felt like I had come home. "Eda we belong together. You are the Yildiz that I look for every night before I go to sleep. You are the very reason why I breathe every morning. Because of you I got a family, I got my mom back, my heart opened because of you Eda." I see her eyes start to gloss over with tears that were forming, but I kept going because she had to know. " You did something to me that no one else but you is able to do. I smiled and laughed because of you. I was happy for the first time in my thirty years of life because of you, and when you left, everything left with you." I let go of her hands and bring them up to cup her cheeks in my hands. I use my thumbs to wipe away the tears that had fallen from her beautiful brown eyes.

"I told you once that nobody deserves your tears, not even me." I say as I wipe away another. I take a deep breathe in for what I am about to do, because she will either slap me or let it happen. " I am and always will be madly in love with you Eda Yildiz." And then I kiss her. 

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Author's Note:

Happy SCK day guys. I wanted to get this chapter out before the episode started that you guys could have something to hold on too during the summary. Let's hope we don't get clowned this episode and that we actually get a ending that we like. Thank you for all the love, support, and comments. Hope we all enjoy the episode.